Do they ever leave or is it just an act?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Do they ever leave or is it just an act?
25
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:47pm
Just an update since I am not on here that often I am sure that none of you know my situation. My MM and I have been together for about 3 months. 3 wonderful months. We both own our own businesses and have the luxury of being together during the day. It works perfectly. We meet at least 4-5 times a week for coffee or lunch or both and then once a week or so we will grab an afternoon in a local hotel. I love him dearly. He has shown me such unconditional love that I have never received before from my H, friends, or parents. I have always given my love unconditionally but never knew what it was like to receive it this way. MM and I both have had horrible marriages for a long time way before the A ever started. He has 2 teenage children and has always promised to stay until they were grown. I have a small son. (I made the choice about a month ago to introduce my son b/c he is to small to talk to my MM. The bond was so sweet. They played and chased each other around the playground. And my son didn't want to let MM go. Normally my son has nothing to do w/ his dad.)I have been miserable with my H since the day I told I him I was pregnant. We both want to leave our M and be together. We swear we aren't leaving for each other but in reality we probably are. We have two huge factors working against us though. I am 25 and he is more than twice my age. Altough, he has never made me feel like a trophy. We both have a strong faith in God (although you couldn't tell it by our current situation. Thank goodness for God's grace.) but we are of two different donminations. Is it possible to me so different yet so compatible? Is anyone else in a similiar situation? We have never put restrictions on our relationship like dont call me at this time or e-mail me then. I have always been or I feel like I've always been more than an A to him. (Does this make sense?) Our A has always been when you need me, call me, e-mail me, reach out to me, I'll be here. And I can say I have called MM many times after dinner to talk and he has always left his house to comfort me when I am having a rough night or my H is being a jerk again. MM has taken me to his office many times (he works alone) and is always telling me come by whenever you can. No need to call. Everything is fine here. He travels a lot on business and is always talking to me on the phone while he is away. So I know business travel is legit and not some cop out to spend time at home. I actually went w/ him last week when he went out of town. It was great 48 hours together. Total bliss. A touch of how sweet reality would be. He has been talking a lot about leaving but do they ever leave. Is it likely this is just something he is saying? We are so in tune with one another. I am leaving my M regardless, I am just unsure of where to go w/ MM b/c even when I leave he will still be a MM. What should I do? How do you know if saying that I am leaving is a line? I feel like he is going to leave but the part of my brain that I should think with says maybe he isn't. Help me! I need advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:19pm
Those statistics are pretty frightening! If it eases anyone's mind I left my H in January and I have been happily dating MM since (he left W also). We got apts down the street from each other (about a mile) and we have spent every day together since we left. We did not leave for each other because we were both really unhappy, but having each other made it that much easier to leave. I know that at my age (24) I should have some dating time in between (I was married the day after I turned 18) but I am so happy with MM (or should I say b/f now?!) He is also 24 and I am hoping that we can beat the odds but I know we are very young. According to my sister we are "rebounds" for each other and we "used each other" to get out of our bad relationships and I am "co dependant". Sisters....you gotta love em'! Anyway, I'll let everyone know if we beat the odds.....but I tell ya, I am not getting married again until I am at least 28!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 3:05pm
Again, what you say makes complete sense. Interesting that you mentioned helping someone who doesn't have many people in this country to lean on emotionally. She's been in the States long enough and does have friends, and a few very close friends, but her parents and all of her family are overseas and she certainly misses that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 3:15pm
I mentioned it intentionally because you did mention her being British. Anyway, very few friends can be trusted with details including an A, even if it did not impact her decision. I know a lot of them will assume things and jump into conclusions immedeatly. Anyway, I am glad your OW has support and friends to help her out. :) All good...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:40pm
Yes, it's all good. I guess I'm just being a bit (a lot?) neurotic if it took something as trivial as some stupid statistics for my apprehension to skyrocket.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:54pm
Boston, don't get me wrong either. I am not saying that friends or you should help your ow out, it beats the whole purpose of being an adult. I mentioned it only because your presense is not a factor of her divorcing but more of support issue in getting throught hard times. That's all. I blabber a lot too, so take my advice with a grain of salt. :-)

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