Do We Make it Easier For AP to Stay....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Do We Make it Easier For AP to Stay....
8
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 5:47pm

in their marriages?

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 6:37pm

Absolutely. The married person in an A has the best of both worlds - myself included. They can escape the problems of their marriage when they're with an AP. It's like their own private world where there is no such thing as mortgages, dirty socks on the floor or kids getting in trouble. Even if they talk about those things - it's not with someone who will criticize their handling of it, etc. It's with someone who has a sympathetic ear and isn't involved in it themselves.

That's why it seems like two married APs are on a more even keel, if the intent of an A is simply to add to one's life, and not end a marriage. My OM is single, but fortunately, he seems happy with what we have. I think that's rarely the case. He definitely adds to my life and helps to keep me happier with everything in my life, including my marriage.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:04pm
For me, it actually enabled me to finally end my M.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:35pm

so i have a question for you? if your affair ends will you then again become unhappy in your marriage? just asking because you mentioned

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:47am

"so i have a question for you? if your affair ends will you then again become unhappy in your marriage? just asking because you mentioned this statement below.... 'He definitely adds to my life and helps to keep me happier with everything in my life, including my marriage'."

I wouldn't say I was "unhappy" in my marriage, but my LIFE is happier with AP in it. If the A ends my life will not be as full, or as happy.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 8:16am
I THOUGHT i was happy in my M, it was only after i met AP that i started to recognise the many compromises i had made along the way, yes i do think i make it easier for AP to stay in his marriage as he is getting from me what is missing from her, BUT i have gained self-confidence and yes should my marriage ever end a new found sense of independance, i am no longer afraid, that should it end i could not cope without H... i know i can now...., but if AP and i were to split i would turn pretty grumpy, but it would not be the end my my world,, Overall i am HAPPY in my M, it is a good marriage,, i see that when i get an insiders look at another marriage that is disfunctional....,Are compromises always bad??

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 10:06am

I agree w/ what Lexi posted.


It was HARD in the early days right after AP and I met...things went fast and furious and I know both of us had feelings of, "OMG this is incredible" emotions were running HIGH and both of us were in long marriages...it was all such a whirlwind. Of course we realized what havoc D's

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 1:15pm

"what got back to me was that he wasn't having the easiest time with it but accepting it...well i HATE to see him hurt..." Dont take me wrong but was it ' I hate to see him hurt' that you went back to him or the fact that he moved on w/o chasing you? Please note that I am not trying to grill you but it sounds like you are manipulating your AP to keep him around the way you want.

I have to say though its not everyone's piece to compartmentalize easily .Some have it in bred in them while others just cant and get hurt as a result.

It does seem though that you really love your AP and he does too ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 3:13pm

Another,


I could have written your post


word. for. word.

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