Do you and AP buy things for one another

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Do you and AP buy things for one another
9
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 5:11pm

And if you do, how do you

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 6:43pm

om bought me a little something for valentines day, just a little candle. I left it at his place, but put the ribbon that came with it on my keys so I could carry it with me all the time. Then, one day, the ribbon was gone, I was crushed! Oh well, I've got the candle at my home now, it's been here for 4 months. No one has ever said anything about it. He has given me the occasional little thing, a card or whatever. No need to explain stuff like that. And I found a note stuffed in a book once, that was really fun, so now, I put it in other pages randomly and get a smile when I find it again.

I can buy whatever I want for om, since he's single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 9:03pm

I've given AP music and books, and he's given me a little Indian carving of a bear and a beautiful piece of purple seaglass. I keep these things in my purse or at work.

I also have a little tin altoid box that I keep our memories in - corks from wine we shared at friday lunchtimes before his d-day, a printout of the weather report (blizzard!) for the day we first met up at a hotel, a chapstick I used the first month we connected because my H never kisses me and my AP and I kiss often (my lips were so chapped lol!), and a shell he brought back from vac for me. This tin means more to me than anything else I carry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 10:35pm
I am single,so i dont have any problem but when i give gifts to AP,he doesnt answer his W or gets away by saying that he bought it for himself.As their M is bad,my AP says that it doesnt matter if they both just dont explain many things to each other ( strange but thats what he says).
We buy little things which make memories,which can be kept close to you and remind you of one another all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 11:25pm

Yep! He buys me things like Starbucks cards,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 11:05am

If an AP gives us things that we would buy for ourselves (and vice versa) there should be no problem.

That leaves a world of things you or he can give. Music CDs, collectible figurines you would buy for yourself (that's pretty female - so I don't think we women could get away with giving that to our OM if they're married), favorite alcohol, books. For women - jewelery that isn't expensive. Cool earrings and necklaces are perfect. I always buy costume jewelery for myself so suddenly having a new cool necklace wouldn't even be commented on, and it would be a nice reminder of affection. It isn't so easy to give something that personal to a MM - most men don't buy jewelery for themselves! If your guy buys his own clothes (and you'd be surprised how many DON'T do that - their wives buy it all) then a nice shirt would probably not be noticed. But it would certainly be noticed if, after 20 years of marriage, he has apparently bought himself a shirt?? That would be a huge red flag for her LOL!

My OM and I exchange those sorts of things. He's single so I can give him anything but I still get things I've mentioned here - and maybe some things he has in his house that I wouldn't be able to give a MM.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 9:57am

We exchange books and CD's - and only stuff we would have bought ourselves.

Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 7:23pm

My XAP gave me the The Holy Qur'an as a gift.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 1:18am

Thanks to everyone who replied. I asked this question because AP has told me he has something for me (I suspect it is a ring I mentioned liking at one point -- but, I've also mentioned liking this ring to dh so I could always say I bought it for myself). My ex-AP and I never exchanged gifts, so I wondered if it was something everyone else in this situation does or not. My AP is single, so I can give him whatever my little heart desires.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 2:11pm

Both myself and my AM and I are married to other people. We have given each other gifts over the years. I give them to him right in front of her, as I am also in that situation I have read on here, being 'friends' with the wife. I quote that because I became friends with her at the first to simply pave the way for us, and that still is my reason to this day. I must be one hell of an actress.. anyways..


I have given him little things like baseball caps, lapal pins, ect.. and bigger things, like parts for his motorbike..


He has given me little things back too.. pictures, carvings, stuff like that. And one big thing.. he got a new motorbike and gave me the old one. Just giving it to me would have been a bit hard to explain to the wife, so he 'sold' it to me for a super great price, then spent the same amount on things the bike needed so it would be ready for me to ride right away.