Do you ask, or do you not want to know??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Do you ask, or do you not want to know??
14
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 1:05pm
How many of you have asked or do ask MM/OM how they feel about you? For those who do not ask, is it because you don't want to know? So many times I have wanted to ask how MM feels about me. I mean, I KNOW in my heart how he feels because of how he acts, but sometimes I want to hear it. And, I don't know if he really WOULD tell me, or just play it off. And I hate putting someone on the spot. Still, sometimes I think, what if I ask and he says something that I don't want to hear? What has been your experience?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 2:00pm
workwife,

I always asked my OM how he felt about about me and he always told me want I wanted to hear that he loved me. And I believed/believe him. But then, that's just me and my OM. Everybody's relationship is different and you should ask him if you feel strong about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 2:24pm
Workwife,

Hi. Interesting topic. I was scared as can be to tell my MM how I felt. When I finally did I was drunk (not the best way to tell him) and he didnt really say anything he didnt say it back. I wasnt sure what to expect when I said it, so I dont think that I would have ever done it sober. I was nervous cause it was out in the open and he never said it back so I felt like a moron. Then 3 days later he told me that he loved me for the first time. It was a huge relief. It felt sooo good to hear him say it. Like your MM, all his actions were telling me that he felt the same way, and I took the chance. My situation turned out very good. Good luck to you. If you are wondering then maybe you should ask. Just make sure that you are prepared for a good or a bad answer!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 6:55pm
Hi workwife,

I have not gone there yet... I know how I feel about MM and I've been working up to find the right time to be able to tell him. I don't want it rushed or on the phone... it has to be done right. As to what I want in return... nothing! it would be nice... but I've come to a stage that I don't need to hear it... it's what he does that shows me he cares. And I know he cares... how much I don't know... but the things he does for me just always amazes me... a simple thing as taking a day off work to spend with me, when for years DH would never take a day off to spend with me... and trust me, it's a little more work for MM to take a day off.

It's taken me a lot to get to this level of existance for years I felt the need to hear it from DH... but I think that if he'd only made the effort to show me... I wouldn't have need to hear it at all... now I do hear it from DH... I feel he only says it to keep me happy... or so he thinks.

think I'm rambling now...

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Avatar for carlym2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 7:30pm
Ask away, you deserve to know what you are headed for. But, be honest if he asks back. Be prepared for any answer, no matter how much it may hurt or how much it may make you feel happy. It's like "To Be or Not to Be"....It's better to be...you can go with it from there, whatever your heart tells you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 7:34pm
I've never told my MM how I feel about him. In fact, I try not to face it myself. I never use the "L" word in reference to him, ever. I care about him, of course, because I don't believe in having sex with someone I don't like. I admire him very much and have told him that, as well as telling him that I "have feelings" for him, but I don't even think about the "L" word in reference to him.


And you can't make me either! (Denial is more than a river in Egypt!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 9:37pm
Why would I have to ask??!!??!! He tells me without my ever having to ask. And even when his isn't telling me, all I ever have to do is look into his eyes and I know.

CFH

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:47am
Hi Workwife!

Most that follow my story know that OM and I

are, and have always been, very honest w/ e/o.

Perhaps this is b/c we'd been friends for a few

yrs. before we ever got involved, I don't know.

We usually tell e/o what we think/feel at the

exact moment we think/feel it. However, w/ certain

things we may take longer in bringing our thoughts/

feelings to the table. An example of that would be

when I realized a few mos. ago I was falling in love

w/ OM. I didn't even have to say anything, we're in

tune enough and he reads me like a book that he was

able to pick up on it himself. I've still never said

"I love you" directly to him or vice versa.. but for

now, it doesn't have to be said. We both know how we

feel.

I dunno... I've never had an issue w/ wondering how

OM was feeling for me. I've been very lucky and blessed

w/ that. I don't really rem. ever asking him where his

mind was at as far as his thoughts for me. That was

always so evident to me and he hasn't had any probs. just

telling me how imp. I am to him. I've had to ask where

his head is at as far as when I thought I wanted to date

other ppl. Not b/c I didn't know already, I wanted to

hear it from him though to make sure I was right in what

I assumed he'd feel.

To be honest, I'm a bit surprised that anyone on here

would not know what you really mean to your OM/MM/MW/OW.

I would have thought that somewhere along the line

SOMETHING would've been said. OM and I don't sit and

have some meeting every week and sit there and say, "Oh

I just adore you. I adore you b/c you are so much fun

and you are who I most love to share my happiness w/.

You make me feel amazing, etc" But we have, esp in the beg.,

had many talks about what we feel for e/o and what we

mean to the other. And words are only words unless there's

some action backing it up and now we DON'T need reassurance

about e/o's feelings. We know. It's understood and known

as a result of being in this for almost a yr.. through all

of our actions.

Very good ? though... interesting to bring up. Thanks for

bringing up some more good memories for me tonight :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:00pm
My OM tells me all the time how he feels about me. He has told me that he loves me. While I don't believe that he 'loves' me, he does have very strong feelings for me. I can tell by his actions. If he knows I am coming over, he will try and get my favorite fruits. He has cooked for me a couple of times. Just the way he holds me, I can tell that he cares deeply for me.

I kind of feel guilty, because I don't feel the same way about him. I like him, but I don't compare in those feelings he has for me.

my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:14pm
My asking my OM how he felt lead to us ending the relationship. For the reason was that it got him to think about how he really felt. It was when he realized that he did care that he decided it was time to get out.

I am not saying at all that it is a bad idea to ask. You need to decide if you want to actually hear the words. And believe me I can completely understand the need to actually hear them say that they care. Actions are not always louder than words.


Blondie

Avatar for elizajane_1850
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:19am
I don't ask and I guess maybe it is because I don't want to know.

I have told him that I love him in the heat of the moment and he has done the same once.

To know how he really feels all I have to do is look in his eyes.

It's in the touch of his hands and the gruffness of his voice.

He is S and I don't want to hurt him. I guess maybe it's enough for him to hold me in his arms, and be there for me whenever I need him.

EJ

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