do you go out in public w/your MM/MW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
do you go out in public w/your MM/MW?
9
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:32pm
The reason I am asking this is that MM and I went out for drinks, and someone MM knows was there and came over to talk to him. It did feel a little awkward being introduced, and I thought MM overdid his explanation of who I was and why we were there, etc, etc...

After that happened, I realized that something so innocent as having drinks, when you both happen to be married, can make us feel so awkward(maybe it's guilt, not awkwardness). The whole incident got me to thinking that we both have a lot to lose by this being discovered. But to think of NEVER going out to a restaurant or to be able to go and have drinks is getting me down. It sort of feels like "jail" to not be able to go out. I'd appreciate hearing your stories and/or thoughts on being seen in public. How do you handle this?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 5:18pm
We had lunch a couple of times BEFORE we were officiatlly in an A. But since then no way, we are way too discreet. If it wouldn't be a normal thing for us to do we don't do it... at least not in public ;)

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:03pm
since MM and I live close to each other when we have the time to spend together

either dinner or just whatever..movie - drinks - we go out where we are sure no one

we know will run into us -

When we are local we have side streets or parks or parking lots that we meet at for

maybe 15 minutes of hi how are you stuff and then on with the rest of our day

we have been together 2 years and have NEVER had anyone just "run" into us -

however that does not mean we haven't been seen together by anyone because you

know we are never looking around at who is there ---- KWIM ??

But some of the places we have been are places neither one of us would ordinarily go

with our H or his W - so that makes it even more fun !!!

You get to really see what is out there - we have found some really dark and small bars that are perfect for spending time together, very private - and we have eaten at the weirdest named restaurant in town - we have driven thru some random parks that you just normally don't find if you are on the normal every day beaten path - but come off

that beaten path and you find some incredible places to spend some incredible time

with an incredible person....

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:04am
We've been to a few restaurants around here. But every time, we ran into someone exh and I knew. OM is a coworker, who also is a good friend and did a lot for me, professionally, so I was always upfront with exh at the time about it. I always said, "M is taking me to breakfast to repay me for doing payroll while he was gone." or, "I'm taking M to breakfast to thank him for his help on this report." or whatever. That way, if/when we're busted, h already knew about it. Now that I'm separated and waiting for my divorce, our 'dates' have been limited to visits to WalMart for things for the apartment, lol!!!

I went out with an old boyfriend a few times this winter (OM knew), who happens to be married, and it was kinda funny. Whenever we were out for drinks, his wife's friends always saw us. When we went out for lunch, my ex's friends always saw us. lol So here OM and I are being sooooo careful, and now my ex thinks I'm having an affair with my old boyfriend, lol!!!!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:23am
Oh, GEEZ, no--NEVER!!!! Never ever ever in a million years. He lives in like the next town over--we're really close to each other in terms of location, but MY town is crawling with people who know me and my family and HIS town is crawling with people who know him and his family. Between the two of us, it's like there's no one who doesn't know who we are, and it is just not worth the risk. If we meet, it's while we're at work, or sometimes we meet on his way home from work and my way to rehearsal or class, or once we had a business trip together and were able to spend the night at the hotel because it was just the two of us, but... no way. I can't imagine being about to hang out like that. It could never happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 5:14pm
Luckily, my MM & I are able to go out and about pretty freely. No, we wouldn't flaunt it in our individual neighborhoods, but if we were seen, it wouldn't be a big "shock"--thankfully. I'm in the Washington, DC area and while he doesn't live "in" the city--as I do, he lives about 10 minutes outside of the city in VA but does quite a bit of work all over the area. Fortunately, we both have jobs that require us to "network" so if we were seen out, it wouldn't be unusual. Having said that, a lot of my platonic friends are male and my spouse is comfortable with me going out with them solo (and vice versa) so again, on my end, I wouldn't feel the need to worry if I was spotted out with my MM.

If we were to be spotted frequently by the same person, perhaps I'd begin to worry!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 6:06pm
I agree with you azure.. We don't go in public.. ok well we used to meet after work in this park and there was people walking and jogging, but we were very lucky that we didn't know anyone..LOL.. now we meet in a secluded parking lot at night and drive to our special spot were we like to "have fun"!! Like crazy teenagers..LOL.. wooo hoooo!!!!!



Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 10:12am
We've gone out in public several times to restaurants and the like.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:12pm
Birdiegirl2004,

I have been to 2 rodeos with MM. The first one, we never really were "together". He knew I was there, we made eye contact, it was great. I had gone out of town (3 hours) and so no one I knew was there, but the rodeo guys are like his family. The other rodeo I went to was also out of town. This time he came to me after he rode and we sat together for about an hour and watched the rodeo. The thing is, his mother-in-law was there!!!!! She knows me. So if she saw where he came out to sit, she knows we were there together!!!! MM's wife's family rodeos too, so it's a risk for us to do this. I thought this was a big sign for my side!!!!

Also, we are together everyday at school, but not as a couple.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:55pm
My current OM is available during the daytime when my H is at work, so he comes to my home, and there's not much need for us to go out. In the past, I routinely went out with my previous OMs. We were careful to avoid giving public signals regarding the nature of our relationship, e.g., hand holding, touching, kissing, etc. On the few occasions that we ran into someone that one or both of us knew, we would just act nonchalant. I think that we were successful because, when we ran into an aquaintace, we didn't give a long winded explanation/excuse for why we were out together -- a simple "This is my friend, OM," or, "This is my co-worker, OM," sufficed. I don't believe that anybody ever suspected anything, and nobody ever reported seeing us to my H/his W.