do you help him save his marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
do you help him save his marriage?
5
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 1:24am

So of course my AP and I are "head over heals" in love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 2:10am
I have the same problem as you but have been a SW for over 2 years before meeting my AP. I have been NC for about 3 weeks (im trying not to count them) so he can give his M a last try. He means everything to me but as you said also, his happiness is at the forefront of my mind and if i lose him over this, well then we were not meant to be.
I believe that any input you give him would not be a good idea. It is his marriage and he needs to work it out with his W. Anything you say in suggestion may backfire and you will look self-serving no matter how good your intentions were. You do have a vested interest in the final outcome, but if he wants to be with you, ultimately things will take their own course and he will be. Whether that is in 5 weeks or 5 months, you MUST let them work it out for themselves. If the time comes and he returns to you, then you know there was nothing for you to feel that can be thrown back at you. If he does not return, you even though you will be devastated, you will have the knowledge that he is where he wants to be and you can get on with your life.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 8:56am

Everything you say is so true!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:03am
I also hang on to the hope that we are meant to be. My MM has at least 5 years till kids leave home, but I know he wouldnt be the man i love if he was able to abandon the children he was supposed to raise (which is why he has stayed so long) I have been lurking here for a while and your post actually made me speak up. Im also glad that i can see other people feel this way and i am not alone. I Look forward to leaning on you too in times of need :)
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:11am

I think you should help him save his marriage if it's salvagable. My ap spend a great deal of time trying to help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:17pm

The mere fact that a person is having an affair uncuts any other efforts to improve one's marriage.