Do you regret your affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
Do you regret your affair?
15
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 6:59pm

Hi ladies,


You might not remember me. I posted several weeks ago. To give you a recap: I'm 35, no kids, married for almost 4 years. My husband is a wonderful person, but we lack sexual chemistry. I do not want to divorce or separate. At the same time, I find it daunting to think that I may never have a fulfilling sex life. We want kids and I keep telling myself that the reason we don't have kids is the lack of a sex life. I know that real reason is me being conflicted about a sexless - but otherwise fulfilling - marriage.


When I posted back in mid-April, I had a crush on a coworker. Nothing had happened and I was avoiding him for that very reason. Nothing has happened physically. Although I don't feel like I'm "playing with fire" right now, I think I'm slowly lighting that match. I find myself thinking about him more. I told him that I was taking a walk around lunch time yesterday (I didn't invite him) and he found me at noon time and we took a short walk together and had a really nice time. Today, he sat next to me at a meeting (trust me, it was deliberate, not random)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 8:58pm

My question to you is do you regret having an affair?


There are days

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 10:21pm

I do not regret having an affair. I don't regret it because it opened my eyes to a new chance to be happy. My long time marriage has not survived my affair.... my choice. I needed to get out because i don't want to end it --my affair--and I don't want to leave wreckage behind me--getting discovered....so I'm on my way.

As far as being in a similar situation as you--no. My children are grown and have come to accept the Divorce. While this has been difficult with much soul searching, I chose to live with no regrets.

I wish you well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 10:34pm

Hi Sarah,


I am in a very similar situation as you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 11:02pm
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how important sex is to me in my marriage and is it something I can "trade off" for having a husband who is wonderful in every other way. I know that only I can answer that. Hi w35sarah :) Did you ever do that pros and cons list? :) My girlfriend and I made one for me and MH at the beginning of our relationship, and every time I thought I might leave him (for whatever reason...even the silliest :), she made me go into my wallet and read it. I might even still have it on me, but no longer really have a need for it. MH and I forever. If you didn't, there is no better time than now. Because nothing's really changed, except that maybe you've gotten to know this guy a little better. So, you're still grappling with going for it and now risking all you know and love for...okay, a little more of the known. Chemicals are still clouding up your thinking, me thinketh because you are stuck in the infatuation phase. Think it through. Is there any way you can incorporate the fantasy of this guy into your lovingmaking with your husband? Clarity


Edited 5/28/2009 1:55 am ET by withclarity

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 12:55am

I absolutely regret my affair.

Only you can decide if you can live for the rest of your life with lousy or no sex. Here's where I'm at. I can't live for the rest of my life with a marriage without communication or passion or kisses. For us, the sex is great, we do that well, but these other things.... Well, I can't tell you when the last time I shared a passionate kiss with my h, but I can tell you it's been well over 2 years and probably well over 3 years. That's sad. I can't live with that. I need passion and love in my life, I need great kisses and great sex and I need to be talked to about everything. My marriage won't survive. In fact, I believe my om has given me the strength to hang on in my marriage for the past year or so. Now, I'm nc with him and my marriage is falling apart faster. I'm not in love with my h, he makes me sick, so here we are.

Can you imagine how your h will feel when he learns about your affair? Can you imagine how hurt he is gonna be? Maybe there is a better way around the lousy sex, instead of the affair, but it will probably destroy your marriage. Check out marriagebuilders.com there is a wealth of info there that might help you improve what you have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 8:33am
Yes I regret it...it was a complete waste of my time. Sex not being good is not a reason to leave a marriage or cheat...that can be fixed easily...to have an affair because of it is a cop out!!


Edited 5/28/2009 8:52 am ET by nycgirl82411
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 9:08am

No, I do not regret my A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 1:06pm

Congrats Colo - that's amazing!!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 9:19pm

Do I regret my affair?


Honestly, I can answer this by saying 'no' I do not regret my affair.


I regret that I am hurting innocent people; I am ashamed at myself for being so weak minded to let myself fall for the impossible.


Trust me, it has been a great battle emotionally and physically.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 2:08pm
" Do you regret your affair?" No.Its the best thing that has happened to me.

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