do you talk about your sex lives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
do you talk about your sex lives?
25
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:22am
MM yesterday was asking questions about my sex life w/H and then telling me that his W "wanted a little" the other night (after having some afternoon delight w/me!) I have told him in the past I am uncomfortable talking about this and would rather not hear when he and his W do!

just wondering what everyone else's thoughts are? it's really bugging me...my friend thinks he's feeling a bit guilty and helps to keep it in perspective for what it is.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:26am
We just simply don't talk about it....now, granted, we're both separated right now, but even before, we never talked about it.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:29am
I totally agree with you. I have no desire hearing when MM and his W are intimate. I know it isn't very often, but it brings me down hearing it.

We kind of just have an understanding that we just don't bring it up. If we are all together (since the 4 of us are all friends) I cringe if his wife makes a remark about sex. MM and I just kind of give each other the eye if it gets brought up. He just knows I hate to hear it.

Good question.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:35am
Well it's funny, in the very begining before our little break up, mm used to say things like "why don't you just rip his shirt off when he gets home" or "wake him up in the middle of the night if you wake up horny" Now I never hear that "advice". He never talks about sex with W except a couple weeks ago after we were together he said "well at least you got some this weekend" (referring the past weekend that I went away with H). So no we don't talk about it, but sometimes I think about them together, maybe just to slap myself with some reality. I hate the thought of it though...but hey she was there first!

Another note about my weekend with H. After I got back and talked to mm he did ask how it went. I said "fine". Then he had to go farther and say "you must have gotten lucky" I replied with "Well yeah, Friday night Sat morn and sat night were good, Sunday was a dud" I immediately felt like that was too much info and felt bad. SO I said "well if I had gone and NOT gotten any I would have had no choice but to file for a divorce!" I hope that smoothed things over for him, but I wish I hadn't been so candid on the frequency>

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:46am
DD -

It's funny you say that - because in the past MM has "encouraged" me to be the aggresser with my H. And, honestly - it's just not there for me and H. I have a hard time even doing the weekly 'duty intimate' thing without it wanting me be with MM.

Does anyone think I'm overreacting being this upset (okay, I do have PMS..I admit) I cried for hours yesterday PM thinking about him and W. (he also made the comment that they "snuggle" afterwards) ARGHHHHH!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:48am
warning: might be a little graphic

well MM and I don't really "talk" about our sex lives with our spouses, but it has come up while having sex with each other as an ego boost for both of us.. like you're so much better than my wife. or I would say does your wife do this for you? he says she doesn't do oral on him. (poor thing)!! and he's asked me if his is bigger than my H..LOL.. (which it is)!!(blushing)!! Then one time I said man your wife is soo lucky to have this every night if she wanted, he responded with no she doesn't get it, I save it for you!! awww!! then he asks if he's better then my H, which he is.. and he said he doesn't want to have sex with his wife just me. and i'm all he thinks about.

But if the subject came up in a normal conversation, I think I would feel uncomfortable..

Gina
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:58am
I know I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach when he would say those things. How long have you two been together? We had just started and been together maybe 3 - 4 weeks when he said those things. I guess my mm changed his mind and didn't want to encourage it anymore! If you've only been together a little while (few months) then maybe he is just trying to keep it casual.

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:03am
we've been togehter almsot a year - it's pretty interesting..you do get intangled in each other's lives. ie: you know when kids are sick, thier birthdays etc. I just feel like I've said it to him before and I think he thinks it's funny that he tells me (almost liek he is bragging to a buddy)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:06am
Honestly, it doesn't bother me. His wife and I are friends so I have been hearing about their sex life for years. Funny though, that they have very different perceptions of what's going on. I hear one side from her and one from him. I don't think he likes to hear about mine, though, since DH and I do have sex nearly every day. I mentioned that last night in some other context and he said, "Don't remind me." Hmmm.

KC
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:21am
MM and I talk about everything....including each of our lives sexually, mentally, physically etc --- sure it makes me feel a little uncomfortable hearing about it

from time to time - but I don't like to have things we "can't" talk about - I also learn a lot about him from what he will tell me, though it's usually not much or not often LOL


I think it also leaves things realistic too ---

Remembering he has this other life reminds me that I have mine as well and therefore

I don't get high expectations or jealousy or envy over something that is a normal occurance in a M - If I start getting upset or sad when he has sex with his W - then I might think I am having deeper feelings in which I would have to pursue MM in a way in which I realistically cannot ---

KWIM -

sure it sometimes hurts to hear about it but I also know there is a HUUUUUGGGGEEEEE

difference in the type of sexual R he has with her and what he has with me -

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:39am
Great point Kikki - maybe he's just comfortable enough with me to tell me? I don't know - maybe I am over thinking! I guess..maybe it's more jealous that she gets him every day and I don't? I know...it is what it is!

Pages