Do you think about AP & spouse together?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Do you think about AP & spouse together?
22
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 5:24am

Hi all,

Do you sometimes have thoughts about AP and his partner and what he does with her?

Do you get upset when you think about them having sex together?? Or going on dates??

I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it doesn't help that they live so nearby.


Well, I'm trying to tell myself that it can't be all that good with them, and that the sex surely isn't good :/

How do you feel about your AP and his W , or, if you're a man: your AP and her H?

 

xx itstime

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 9:03am
I think everyone in an affair has those thoughts from time to time. I also think those thoughts, change and fluctuate over the course of the affair, depending on you, your mood and what kind of effects the affair is having on you. Seems to me, it is a natural thing to wonder, but also something you should try to stamp out when the thoughts arise, because they only fuel your insecurities about the affair.

No matter what they say, their marriage isn't perfect or they wouldn't be taking the chance. Although more of it falls on the AP and what void they are trying to fill. They might justify it by blaming their spouse or marriage.

I remember for me the hardest part was I was jealous of the time she got to spend with him. How she got to hold his hand in public. But I also knew a lot of the time they spent together was a show, put on to keep up the perception of a good marriage.

The thought of them being together sexually never bothered me. Yes, I Kew of times they did have sex. I guess I just looked at it as part of their marriage a part of his life that I couldn't share.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 10:00pm
Honestly I wonder sometimes but I also know that because of some surgeries she is not a very sexual person, also she is not expierenced and not very experitmental. If what I believe is true, I would be my AP's only other sexual partner besides his wife.

I am actually more upset about the relationship between the AP and the wife's best friend. She has the caring part of him that I want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 2:44am
Yes unfortunately I do think about it and feel like you do. It comes and goes in waves. It really disturbs be to the core. Like it actually makes me feel sick and makes me think about how effed up it is. I really am not the kind of person who can share a man I guess. I think when a person has to see the AP and wife together a lot, it just gives you a visual which is not a good thing. I'm getting the creeps just thinking about this. The only good that comes from this, is it prevents me from having the desire to sleep with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011

UGH! I need to not think about this before bed! Lol. Yup, I definitely have that crazy posessive gene too. Wish I could be more calm and accepting about it like others on this board:smileysad: oh well, that's never gonna happen! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 7:44am

Oh sure that's part of life in A-land. But AP keeps coming to _me_ which makes me #1 after all!

 

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 9:21am
Male here... I just try to think about it logically and realistically. Yes they're intimate with someone else and that's to be expected for both of us. If we had a choice in the matter of being exclusive, then I'd assume we would choose each other. If you dwell on the details it will drive you crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008

Itstime, I have 2 AP. Local guy is 1-2x a week and yes we txt every day. Out of town guy is 1x month when he is here on business and we are NC in between except for email - he is super scaredy cat about his W since he already had 1 Dday (way before me). How often do you see your AP?

 

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008

Yes it bothers me about OOT AP is so scaredy cat. It's weird, he's 1000 miles from home when he's here, he's as safe as he can be. I'm sure not going to bust him, lol. He's here for 3 or 4 days and I can usually get an overnight with him, if not that then a lunch hour or two. My local AP wants to see me more than I can see him - I am ultra careful - it's usually an hour or two once or twice a week. He is a rental agent and has access to empty apts and houses.

I get lots of texts from local AP, hardly anything from OOT guy like I said. It must be hard for you just 15 min at a time with your AP. :smileysad: I am very reserved with my APs, don't want them knowing much about me. How long have you been with yours?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Hi Benska,
So you think in the 5 years you've been with your AP that he has not once or a few times slept with his wife???

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012

I was going to ask the same thing Purple.  I know my AP and W are sexually active at some times.  I mean let's be honest he couldn't stop wanting it this past year all of a sudden.  That would throw red flags all the way up for her.  It would for me!!  From the get go I've set it in stone with AP that we know we are going to have sex with our spouses but that is ALL.  I know for sure they don't have sex as much as AP and I do.

I guess I get jealous of the time he spends with his W and extended family but I keep it in perspective.  Like for instance the BFF doesn't like me, she's really jealous of me.  Everytime I get mad about him spending time with her I just think that if I ever wanted to drop the ball it would be her that would be pissed off the most.  I honestly don't think the wife is going to care too much.

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