Do you think he loves me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Do you think he loves me?
5
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 7:50am
I have a question for everybody here. I have been seeing my MM for 3 months. And it has been wonderful. He treats me good and all that . Yesterday, he came by my house to see me before he went off to work. I told him that I care for him alot and I think he took it as me saying "I love you" because he told me "I can't say that yet". Do you think he could love me?

His W is a very controlling woman and she had beat him down mentally and emotionally. She's the type who wants to be the ruler of the house and not be equal with him. All this has given him trust issues. Do you think he's being cautious with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 8:25am
No, I don't think he is being cautious of his own feelings, I think he is being cautious of yours. You didn't even say, "I love you," you just said, "I care about you", and that was enough for him to try to manage your expectations by saying, "I can't say that." If I told a guy I was sleeping with that I care about him, and he told me that he couldn't say that, I would tell him to go find another woman to screw.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 8:28am
It's possible that he could love you. I've found that some men just can't come right out and say those three words. Especially if he has been worn down emotionally like you say in your post.

Sometimes we have to judge the way men feel about us by what they do. If you see him going out of his way to do the things you like, or if he has changed up from hanging with his friends to spending more time with you, these are things that mean he really cares about you. You can even tell how he feels by looking deep in his eyes. The phrase 'the eyes never lie' is true. There is another post about things just feeling different. When this happens, you'll know. You can't really put it into words, but there are some very good attempts on that post. You just know.

Have you known him for only those three months? Three months seems kind of soon, to me, to be saying those words, unless you've known him for a while before you entered into the r. JMHO. After 3 months, I knew I really cared about MM, but love? I think I was almost at two years with MM before I started having those thoughts. Maybe he's just not at the 'love' stage yet. But everyone is different, so who knows.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 9:09am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 1:33pm
I am going to say this in the nicest possible way...How did you get into law school with reading comprehension skills like that? It is so obvious to me from what Fredsbabygirl said that he is trying to manage her "love expectations". You read so much else into her post that I almost didn't remember the original post!! Just because YOU feel a certain way about your relationship with your MM does not mean that HER MM feels the way YOU do...I mean, it's a different person, a different set of facts, a different relationship...jeez
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 2:40pm
I think you should appreciate his honesty. A lot of men will just say what they think the woman wants to hear, even if it's before he's ready. This is not an easy situation for a married person to be in and it's hard to admit to yourself that you've fallen in love with someone outside of your marriage. To me, falling in love with someone means you should be together. A couple of weeks ago, MM was having health problems and he thought he might be having a heart attack. I went to his office and he looked truly, deeply stressed. This is a guy who's usually upbeat and cheerful, the life of the party, and it really slammed into me how much it bothered me that he was upset. I just wanted to take his pain and make it mine so he'd be less stressed. I told him later that week, when the scare had passed, that it made me realize how much I cared about him. I know I sounded astounded at the new revelation and it should have surprised him because, a couple of months back, I'd pretty much all but told him I was in love with him (after he said it first). If you love someone, shouldn't caring about them go with it? But that day I realized I couldn't possibly have meant that because it's only now, when seeing him hurting bothers me and when I often just want to be in the same room as him even if all we do is talk about the weather, that I realize I am falling for him. Wouldn't you rather he wait until he really meant it? It will mean so much more than him just dropping the words out as an, "I care about you too."