Do you/AP feel insecure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you/AP feel insecure?
34
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:34am

AP and i both feel insecure , at times.

My insecurity arises from his STBX though being 6 years older than me,she is gorgeous,slim and all! I would be in the fat category,like the majority of the americans( lol!) .The holidays were huge for me as i really dreaded that AP and his STBX W would come close together ( but they decided on D).those few days really took a toll on me.

My AP also has some inseurities .He believes that i wouldnt wait for him till his D is final.His D could linger on for a while as his kids are young and there would be a nice custoday battle.His STBX W works a full day but earns minimal to provide for 2 kids especially in this economy.When he brings this topic in, i again get insecure,sigh.What if he gives up and ends up staying M??

Anyone else having insecurities? Or anyone who feels secure in there R with AP?It would be nice to hear some encouraging stories.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:46am
yes and i really need to talk about it.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:53am

My R w/ xAP was wrought w/ insecurities. I think that the very fact that you love someone who is committed to another is a breeding ground for insecurity. I know I "what if" myself to death. I try not to show xAP how insecure I am, but sometimes it gets so bad that I have to ask him questions like: Do you still plan on being w/ me? Are you really going to leave her? I mean it's pathetic. I get on my own nerves so I know my insecurities get on his. I have just finally settled into a place where I feel like "Hey, whatever happens, happens." That doesn't mean that I won't still be devastated if things don't go my way, but it does give me some semblance of a piece of mind, by not worrying in advance. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

One of the best gifts that this board has given me if the piece of mind of knowing that I'm not crazy, and other woman feel this way too. It was such a relief to find out that it wasn't me per se, but more the situation that I am in. That was a huge relief for me, because for a long time I thought that I had turned into a fruit loop.

I don't know if that helps you any, but it is what I have to share. Best Wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:55am

((( hugs)))

My AP has tried to reassure me that its not the looks but i am very consious.He ,like his STBX W is very gorgeous and i do wonder why he chose me?

what makes you insecure ? i guess you have a nice AP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 10:14am
I do feel insecure, but I believe it's as justice said because
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 10:28am

" I think that the very fact that you love someone who is committed to another is a breeding ground for insecurity. " couldnt agree more! Well, my AP does know about my insecurities and i know his.We both try to calm each other and it all feels good but sometimes neither he nor i can relax and just let it go ,believing its just the nature of it.Basically none of us is doing anything to 'make' other feel insecure.

Justice, you really have gone through a lot and do deserve a happy ending.March is not far,hey! my fingers stay crossed for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 10:36am
he is nice and very noble and a true gentleman but yet he is still committed to someone else...get me...that in itself makes me insecure...i am going through so much right now, emotionally..i'm not sure i'm coping with it the right way....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 10:38am
i too feel like i'm going nuts right now...for real...i'm certainly going to pick up my Bible when i get home...it might burst into flames in my hands..but i sure as heck am gonna try to read it and then take some time out to make some decisions for me...and my benefit....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 10:57am

Ohhh, tygerzize!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 11:13am

i know..but, i guess it had to come at some time obxbell....it was destined...lol..not funny but, funny...i have to get it off my chest so bad...after spending friday for about 9 hours with ap he said he would definately come over saturday or sunday..if not sat then sunday to watch the game..well he didn't call sat to let me know he wasn't coming then..so i called him in the evening and told him that i already feel at the bottom rung of the ladder but to not treat me as insignificant that he cannot call and keep me posted on if he's coming or not..i told him he could just shoot me a text or leave a quick message and that i thought it was rude and inconsiderate...he called me back that evening..i didn't get his call (which i know pissed him off) then he text me the next morning and said he was going to call...so he called and said he called me...i told him i didn't get the call hear the phone ring ..but later i did find there was a missed call from him the evening before..(his point in calling me was not to tell me that he was coming it was to address the message i left to him) well i guess it festered over because he said that he didn't know what to do with how emotional i get a times and i tell him that he is hurting me when he doesn't do or does do certain things..he told me that i made him feel bad about himself because he did not call to let me know he wasn't gonna make it saturday...then he drops the bomb and says "i think you should date other people"

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 11:26am

It sounds to me like he's just trying to take the pressure off himself.

 

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