Do you/AP feel insecure?
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| Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:34am |
AP and i both feel insecure , at times.
My insecurity arises from his STBX though being 6 years older than me,she is gorgeous,slim and all! I would be in the fat category,like the majority of the americans( lol!) .The holidays were huge for me as i really dreaded that AP and his STBX W would come close together ( but they decided on D).those few days really took a toll on me.
My AP also has some inseurities .He believes that i wouldnt wait for him till his D is final.His D could linger on for a while as his kids are young and there would be a nice custoday battle.His STBX W works a full day but earns minimal to provide for 2 kids especially in this economy.When he brings this topic in, i again get insecure,sigh.What if he gives up and ends up staying M??
Anyone else having insecurities? Or anyone who feels secure in there R with AP?It would be nice to hear some encouraging stories.

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Hi LovingDoll -
Good question.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Tyger -
Hi honey - so sorry you are hurting today.
Just wanted to let you know that this happened to me once too - BF was not at a point where he was ready to leave the M yet - and he finally told me (in tears) that yes - I should go and date others - because he didn't know if he could ever be who and what I needed.
I didn't need his permission of course - and I hated the fact that he said it - but when I thought it over, I realized that it wasn't him pushing me away - it was his guilt at seeing me in pain - and the love he had for me that made him try anything to make me feel better.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
I'm so glad this came up. I mostly lurk here, and I get antsy when I think I've posted too much information, but really right now I'm kind of a mess. My AP lives on the other side of the country, and we haven't seen each other in over a month. He travels a lot on business, so normally we see each other more often, but with the holidays and all, it's been a long wait... And he's with HER.
But, yes, I'm also with my "him" - my H.
Last weekend during a dinner with friends I sneaked out and checked my e-mail and had a sweet message from AP, and later (too much to drink, I think), I just started crying.
AP is more the self-controlled type. I know he loves me, but he doesn't show his insecurity.
I tend to spaz out, I get all upset, even though I haven't left my H for him; I want him to leave his long-term relationship for me. I am extremely insecure and emotional with him, and even though he reassures me, I really worry that that's going to drive him away.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Thanks for the encouraging post,tgrbabe! I guess i should just scrap this 'looks' thing out of my mind and concentrate on what we have.To feel better about myself i will start caring about my body and get into shape.
For AP's insecurity about me sticking around,i guess time will stand by us.
I will read your response every day to keep myself in check,lol!
thanks!! :)
loving...to be honest..looks have nothing to do with anything unless you are dealing with a very shallow person..and i don't think so...not by what you post and say about him..he loves you for who you are on the inside.....i tend to even get insecure about my looks..but it's little things like , does my hair look nice today..don't you like my outfit..he says he doesn't say anything because he thinks i know i'm pretty or "got it going on"...well not true..sometimes i don't...you have a great heart and i'm certain he thinks you are beautiful outside and in....so don't worry about that..plus the average sized woman is not a 4..she's a 16....i wish i had the rack of a person sized 14 or 16...tbh..i am a 32b...ugh...and don't intend to get implants...no way...at all...
your ap sounds like he has a sound mind and good head on his shoulders....as far as his insecurity about you sticking around...well, just try to reassure him that you are in it for the long haul..
as far as me...right now i'm very confused and cannot get past what my "whateva you wanna call him" has said to me yesterday..it's hard to muster through...so i'm back at the place where...i have to clear my head and he and i can be buddies for now..who knows about the long run.......i don't want him to hurt me anymore and i don't want to be overly sensitive about every little thing he does or doesn't do...i don't want to pester him or get on his nerves....and i do NOT want to HURT him or push him to a point where he has to make a decision and then deal with hurt and pain from that...we've gone through enough as it is...
i hope you feel better from the responses you got...i feel better from tgr and ox's responses to my overly sensitive nature right now...
(did i mention i'm on the rag right now too)...since i hit 34 my hormones have been driving me friggin nuts at times....but i wouldn't be able to explain to him the fact that adds to my overly sensitive nature..he would only see that as an excuse and we know it's not...it does affect the way you handle things...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
I'm glad you're feeling better tyger.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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