Do you/AP feel insecure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Do you/AP feel insecure?
34
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:34am

AP and i both feel insecure , at times.

My insecurity arises from his STBX though being 6 years older than me,she is gorgeous,slim and all! I would be in the fat category,like the majority of the americans( lol!) .The holidays were huge for me as i really dreaded that AP and his STBX W would come close together ( but they decided on D).those few days really took a toll on me.

My AP also has some inseurities .He believes that i wouldnt wait for him till his D is final.His D could linger on for a while as his kids are young and there would be a nice custoday battle.His STBX W works a full day but earns minimal to provide for 2 kids especially in this economy.When he brings this topic in, i again get insecure,sigh.What if he gives up and ends up staying M??

Anyone else having insecurities? Or anyone who feels secure in there R with AP?It would be nice to hear some encouraging stories.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 3:52pm
let me add that ending it is NOT something i wish to do..but my head is cloudy right now, and i don't know what else to do but take a break from it all and try to relax...it's making me feel like i'm going crazy.....like TGR said...i don't need anyone's permission to date anyone else..i'll do it if i want to....it was very misguided for him to say that and i don't know where he got that from...it rings so loud in my head and i won't forget it..it was just very hurtful for me to hear him say...i cringe everytime i think about it i really really do....just cringe..because of all the possibilities of why he may have said that...i am thinking about that...i mean you guys probably have a good idea of why he said it..because you guys have more experience or longer experience than i do with it...but being in it makes me feel bad when he says things like that......if i was looking in and it was someone else..i probably would have seen it the way you and TGR did too....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:04pm

I firmly believe that he made that comment purely out of frustration.


He is trying so hard to be everything to everyone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:36pm

As is obvious from my post this morning - I am definitely feeling insecure and hopefully thinking AP's actions are for the same reason.


Want to talk to him about it but - tends to disappear and not take calls when I try - so we are supposed to get together this Sat - although that could be falling apart due to he may have to work

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:42pm
yeah sorry loving..but somehow your posts are always right on time..like you got little microphones all up in my business..just joking..loving has a very caring heart..and i'm sure he doesn't mind the hijack...obxbell...ugh...not a dry eye from me today....and i'll be 35 in february...ugh right....so yeah my hormones are all jacked up at this point..especially since the issues with my ovaries and the mess going on in my non productive reproduction system...lol...i hate it...but it makes me friggin nuts...ugh....well just picture me with some wine in me..with my girls trying to get through a derned tao bo dvd...it's gonna be hilarious.....lol lol lol.....my nerves were on edge all day...i'ma have a glass now to take the edge off a tad.....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 8:35am

and loving to answer your question...yes, i think we both are..me i've become insecure because my feelings have gotten deeper for him over time and i do acknowledge and know he cannot provide me with what i need out of a partner...every little thing he does to disappoint me makes me even more insecure.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 9:53am

I am a S M in A with MW for more than 20 years.Being the S one is tough.It took me a while to accept my position in which i am very content.One of the toughest things for me to overcome was 'acceptance'.Acceptance of the fact that she is M which brings itself to the acceptance of many things :). I dont ask what she cant give. To accept this one sentence is very difficult but if you know thats the man/woman you want to be with,it becomes easy.

You might be asking what he cant give.So, he is letting you go which in itself means that he is not leaving his M.If thats the man you want to be with then you have to decide ,its nothing to do with him.If you are looking for M, leave this guy.If not,then accept the fact.
In my days,i was free to date, could have done behind her back or at my free will BUT i chose and accepted.Ever since i did that,i am very happy and dont regret my decision.

To let someone go whom you love is more tough than to be the one on receiving end.He is right.You believing him to be in a better place is wrong.

God Bless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 10:08am

fullhalfquarter, thanks for the advice..but i Do not want marriage at all...and never asked that of him...I always contend and will stick by that I DO NOT want him to leave his marriage for me....that's not it...I ask of him to be more considerate of my feelings is all....if someone cannot do that then, I have to take a step back...however, I can become extra and pouty and upset by the little things.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 3:33pm
i just don't know what to do tgr..i am in desperate need of advice..you know as well as i do when these situations arise your mind gets clouded...it's hard to talk to people who haven't been in it before..like girlfriends...they think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread..which he is..except he's M..he is a nice guy..you know they'll say..oh fight for it..date other people in the meanwhile...maybe it will show him something if you do...meaning they think i should fight for the relationship by giving him what he wants to show him that im not a rag doll and maybe he'll come to his senses and be more considerate at times...i don't know..i don't feel it fair to bring anyone into this mess and i just don't know what to do...really ...can you offer me any experience...you know you can always send me a message...kwim....i'm in a rut..can't stop crying..can't get over what he said....it's making me literally sick to my stomach..i've been throwing up and just sick...my nerves are on edge...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:27pm

Oh sweetie -


I so wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you - but you know that's just not how it works.


You have made a decision to be in an A with a M man - ok - so did I - BTDT.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:36pm

Tyger, if there is no possibility that he will leave his wife, then you have to let this go.