Doctor Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Doctor Update
11
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 6:49pm
Hello my friends,

For those of you that care to know, I have, so far, been diagnosed with "Significant Depression". My "breakup" is not the cause of this diagnosis, but that and the consequential results in my M, have intensified the symptoms.

My doctor has immediately started me on mediciation and also had me go for some bloodwork in order to rule out a chemical deficiency or thyroid problem.

In talking to the doctor, between bouts of tears, I am beginning to realize that my depression has been on-going for much longer than my A was. In fact, my depression is probably the cause of the A.

I'm not saying that I didn't want the A, or that I don't love xMM, because that is probably the only thing that I'm sure of at this moment. I've had feelings for MM for a very long time, way before anything became emotional or physical between us.

However, the A gave me the lift or high, that I so deperately needed, and for a short-period of time significantly reduced my symptoms. That is until, I began having anxiety attacks whenever I didn't hear from MM (I'm not talking days, I'm talking hours). I would always envision the worst. He must have had an accident, lying face down in a ditch, etc. I do the same thing with my H. It's not that I don't think they don't want to see me, it's that I think they are either severely injured or even dead (what a horrible thought). This may seem sick (I guess I am), but I have even planned my H's funeral in my head in certain circumstances when I figured he should be "home by now" and wasn't. He is a transport driver, so it's not unusal for him to be delayed. I have also had thoughts of going to MM's funeral, and pretending I was nothing more than an acquaintance to his W and family.

Anyway, I'm beginning to realize that I will be working through this "illness" for a while I assume, that all of my babble around here the past few days must have been horrible for the rest of you to read and I really feel an apology is in order.

I have to say that you people have been a great sounding board, I love the fact that you took the time to read and respond. It really means so much to me.

I think I should probably transfer to the "Mental Illness Support Board", if one even exists.

I am sure that I will lurk around here, to keep updated on all of your highs and lows, and maybe occassionally offer words of support.

You have all become such wonderful "stranger friends", and I will be thinking of you often. And please don't take this the wrong way but I feel the need to point out some honourable mentions: Virgogirl, GB2, Dusty, Juliet, Rain, Omahamm and Boston - Thank you so much!

Take care and love always

Red

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
In reply to: red_bella
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:58am
Your babble was not horrible to read - sometimes it broke my heart to hear you so sad -

I am happy for you that you may now be able to work thru the End of your A because I was really worried about you - - -

I am looking forward to hearing of your progress toward the life you want and deserve !!

Kikki

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