does the affair make you happy ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
does the affair make you happy ?
7
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 8:53pm

not a judgement...just trying to understand...


I am a single guy, who, many months ago, got involved with a married woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 9:28pm

James...oddly enough, and I think because you're one of the few males who post here, I remember your story from the beginning. I remember you posting early on about "wanting to do this right". It's been so clear in almost each occasion you've come here that you care about this woman...maybe even love her. That said, I'm sorry how this has worked out for you.


Sounds like you are absolutely dead-on in that she's enjoying the attention and sex. The reasons behind that are probably complex and MANY. A'a happen for a whole host of reasons, and we're all different.


Nothing wrong at all with your idealism :) And you're probably right that

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 11:29pm

an affair is never an answer, only an escape.. but, in a M, there are sometimes questions that can never be answered in an ideal way.. and sometimes an A serves as place of relief, escape and sanity, especially when the A couple approaches it from similar backgrounds and expectations, and not much emotional or "we'll be together forever once we end our own Ms" type dreams are not made a part of the A..

likely you are an escape for her, and likely she knows what you are to her as much as you do.. she's made her choice and is going on with it.. it may help you to have a heart to heart with her one day and share what you told us here with her.. most likely she'll agree with you but will tell you she just takes the A as what it is.. nothing more, nothing less..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 9:28am

Hi James,


I agree with one of the posts that its an escape, a temporary fix if you will. Its an addiction, its good for the moment but when there gone its an emptiness and you just crave for them more. Ain't it something how emotions come out of an affair and you start caring and loving this person but know you can't give them your all. I'm happy but just for a little while, for me the guilt kicks in some days are better then others.


Sometimes I feel like I'm overdosing over this guy and I want to go cold turkey but not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 9:47am
Read my post... Do I sound Happy..
If a person is causing more heartaches then pleasure then it time to say, Good bye..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:23am

You're absolutely right - the affair is like an aspirin - it doesn't cure anything, it just makes you feel better. But some of us aren't ready for the serious surgery that would "fix" us. If an aspirin a day makes all the difference, why not use it?

Someone here once said to me (I think it was nevereasy) that there are a lot worse ways I could be trying to fix myself or "escape". I could be drinking or doing drugs or gambling away the family fortune (lol, more reasonably, the family nest egg).

My affair makes me happy. I am a MW involved with a SM, and have been for 11 years. I think for me it's an escape. It's also a distraction from any problems I don't feel like thinking about (escape again). It's also the fact that it's a second relationship, and for some reason I like having two relationships. I'm not like your AP, I don't have a third R - two is quite enough. I feel committed to my OM. Even though I'm having an A, I feel committed to my H also. Weird, convoluted thinking I'm sure. But that's what I feel.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 10:35am

I feel exactly the same way as kimber does.


My AP makes me happier than i have been in many years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:01am

appreciate the advice, and good point, sometimes you can only deal with the symptom and not the bigger problem.