Does anyone else ever feel like this????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Does anyone else ever feel like this????
23
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:20pm
I am sooo aggravated right now I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to MM all day and only once for just a few minutes yesterday. Sometimes, I just get so pissed off and today is one of those days. Me and MM have been getting along since we had our discussion about the feelings we have for one another and said the 'love' word. Here's the problem, there are days that I talk to him nearly all day (between his customers) off and on and then there are days like today....when I haven't heard a word out of him...not even a text message. << I think 'well, he IS at work and he's probably busy...but still, nothing at lunch, nothing all day...am I just being a baby???? I mean I know when he has his employees close by, (on the days that he's not alone) he rarely has ever called, but still...I think, can he not go into his office and simply text me a message on these days?? He has been SOOOO wonderful about calling at least once a day even when he has his employees there (at lunch, etc) just to 'talk a minute or two' usually, but he's making the effort..right? So, I shouldn't be pissed because one day passes and I haven't been able to talk to him. << Then again, I haven't been able to talk to him this entire week. We were together Friday night, I got a little upset because sometimes try as I may I just feel like a prostitute or something of the sort...he told me we had to make the time we have together work for now and that he loved me and things had been f****ed up for him for some time now but that he knew he loved me, etc. I didn't get to talk to him Saturday because H was off and here all day but he called me several times Sunday on my cell before I was able to get back to him, he was sooooo sweet and said he just knew I was mad at him about friday night, etc. I didn't talk to him but just a few minutes as he was headed home when I got back in touch with him, then Monday..I only talked to him a few minutes, yesterday..he called at lunch for just a minute then again as he drove by the walking track where I walk on his way home from work to tell me how good I looked, etc. This morning, I saw him again on his way to work...but he didn't even call even for a few minutes to say hi...this really pissed me off because normally he would on any other occasion when he has seen me. Sometimes, I swear I feel like he does it on purpose, like yesterday not calling until 2:40...knowing that H has been coming home at 3:00. I try my very, very best not to show I'm perturbed at him as I don't want to come off sounding like I have to speak to him every minute of every day....yet......I feel like if I don't say 'something' then, he'll just think it's okay to do me however...does anyone else ever feel like this? I mean, I don't want him to think I'm totally sitting here waiting on his call.....(I really am, but will only admit that to you girls here on the board..lol) I feel like, well...if he doesn't make an effort to at least call and speak today, he's off tomorrow...I usually never get to talk to him on his off days...though, really I don't know why? I mean during the summer I knew he had his oldest boy with him, but now he just has the 2 year old when he's off. I swear I feel as if I'm doing all the running, all the lying and he's just benefiting from it all, the only thing I don't do...is I very rarely call him, I usually let him do all the calling, which to me seems only fair as I'm doing all the running. He acts like he can't leave his house for any reason once he gets off work (we usually meet each other at his work place after he closes) He acts scared to death sometimes, dang...this is driving me nuts, someone please tell me if you've experienced anything similiar!!
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Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:55am
I know you feel, i'm really mad right now, because i haven't seen MM for 13 days, and it's a long time for me, because we see each other every week once a week, but didn't last week, because i was off and to top it off, me a and him will be off next week, but seperate, and the only day that it could be possible for us to see each other, would be tomorrow, he just called me and told me not too sure about tomorrow, he might have to work late. This really sucks, he always controls everything, specially when he's always so busy at work and the time to talk on the phone is so short. No physical contact for another week?? i can't take that. And if i don't see him tomorrow, i will be totally crushed!
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Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:59am
I feel so releaved hearing that I'm not alone with needing to hear OM every couple of days. If not on the phone even a quick email makes me feel better. I try to leave it in his court to call me at work but I have called him a few times. I especially need to hear his voice the day after also. I sometimes fell so foolish about just wanting a quick call and often hit the refresh key on my email constantly.

Glad I'm not alone.

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
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Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:06am
Haley, That sounds so much like MM that I can't believe it. He too can be sooooo sweet and attentive one day, then the next.....nothing, or close enough to it anyway. I probably haven't talked to him over an hour altogether since Friday night. Again, I do realize that he's working and has had employees in there with him, but not the entire time. For instance, Tuesday morning he had to go to a nearby city which is about an hour's drive from us for a meeting. He could have called on the way to or from the meeting...but no, he waited until he was back at work and called 20 minutes before H was scheduled to be home << little things like this really get to me. So, you think I should tell him how I feel? I would never yell or pitch a fit about the whole thing, but sometimes after he does this...it is really hard for me to keep from sounding like I'm pissed even in normal conversation. I guess I thought we weren't playing these games anymore since our 'talk' but evidently we are, it's really hard for me to come out and tell him that it bothers me and that I would like to hear from him...even though this is true and I think he probably would like hearing it. I just hate to let him know that he has me like that, ya know? Even though, yes...it's true, sometimes I don't always think it's a good idea to let any man know that..so to some extent, I too am playing with him I guess, if that makes any sense at all. I guess with this one guy in my life it's always been different. He's extremely good looking, always has been and could get anybody he wanted and does tend at times to have a little ego problem, and I guess that's why I always tend to hold back with him a little. He is 7 years older than me, he's 41 and I'm 34. First met him at 16 and snuck around a little with him at that time, until I got caught, then again when I was 22 and he was my boss...we were both married then too (to the same people) Now, here we are again..this is the first time in our "relationship" though that we've ever admitted what we feel for each other and how we feel like we should've ended up together. There's just something there I could never and will never let go of, which is altogether kinda sad. He's changed sooooo much, that I get mad at myself for being a baby about his not calling a couple of days because this time around he seems sooooo attentive at times, like he's really into it for good this time unlike last time, he's definitely changed. But...again, just like yesterday, I haven't heard a word from him...I know he's off, I know the W is at work..I really don't understand him sometimes. If I don't hear from him today......it's gonna be really hard to talk to him tomorrow, if you know what I mean. My friend says if he doesn't call today...then I should not talk to him until Tuesday or Wed of next week.....<< she has so much more control than me!!! That probably would do his a** a little good, I'm just not sure I'm that strong...I think I may try though :0)
Avatar for prettyribbons4u
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Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:11am
I'm glad I'm not either...after that first post, I got scared thinking I was really losing my mind. I'm not typically the type of person that needs constant attention either. Just a quick phone call...quick text message (we usually don't do email, chat) just to let me know...hey, can't talk now...wanted to let you know I was thinking of you type of thing. I'm not sure sometimes if I'm "right" to let him do all of the calling either...like maybe I'm being a little unfair, that "maybe" he feels like me too sometimes. But then again, since the sex started...I just don't feel as comfortable calling him as I did before...does that make sense??? I will return a call, no problem, and occasionally even when I know he's busy..I may send him a short text with something short and sweet in it. I guess I just don't want to seem overly-pushy or needy (even though I think I am....lol) and yeah....I have hit refresh on my keyboard more than once...waiting for an email too, so know you aren't alone...lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:27am
That's exactly what you should do. Ignore him, don't call him or text him or anything. I did that this past weekend and oh boy the attention I got monday was awesome. He usually won't go outside for a smoke with me unless there are others and won't go into certain rooms with doors and no windows in our company because he is so afraid someone will see us and talk. But monday after not talking to me or seeing me he went out with me 3 times just us, to lunch, and sat at my desk talking to me for about an hour w/ people around. It was awesome. So definitely do it. It will be so good for him. I know you can you do it girl! Be strong! And definitely let me know how goes!
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 1:37pm
Although it works like a charm I think what Haley is suggesting is not the right approach. Do you really want to manipulate the situation to get the result that makes you happiest? Is it really genuine? Is it worth your while to have to get in the NC mode in order to get your OM to notice you? I think where some of us are going wrong here is that we expect the attention of a man who is in our lives fulltime to be jam packed into a part-time relationship. I know sometimes I seek out my OM when I should in fact be counting on my DH for certain things. We should all pay attention to the amount of stress we're bestowing on our EMAs, they are there to give us the fantasy portion of a relationship, not to be burdened by the stress and frustrations we can all relate to our full-time relationships/marriages.

When I entered this EMA my experience with men always consisted of great communication. I never had to worry about my DH or any exs leaving me a note when they left or a message etc. This EMA was an extremely rude awakening because I've come to realize that he just doesnt think about calling when something comes up...he doesnt call his fiance and he doesnt call me either...fortunately I've learned most of his tendencies now and it's definately reduced the stress on our relationship and restored my sanity. It may not be RIGHT in my book but it's his way and what we all must realize is that we shouldnt expect them to do whats right by our book to keep us happy. I strongly believe in the fact that we're all responsible for our own happiness, people shouldnt be expected to change their ways and who they are to provide us with a level of happiness. If we truly want to be with someone we all need to learn how they are and accept it or leave it...

I have a ton of examples of times he has let me down. Days I took of work to spend with him and got his voice mail all day long on his cell, times I've made arrangements to get out of the house and never got a return call from him, days he hasnt called and I found out later he got out of work early or when I've called his cell at the end of the day and he's all alone in his truck and hasn't called me for 2 days but when he did free up he still didnt call...I just dont understand his way of thinkin but one thing's for sure, I refuse to stress myself out trying to make sense of his thought process...

Sure, we can manipulate our men into whatever we want but is that truly how we want things to be?

Liberal

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Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 5:16pm
thanks for the post, I do agree with alot of what you have had to say, but must say the first sentence stuck out the most to me..that being "Although it works like a charm" I know it is a game but I don't feel like I'm doing it to get him to notice me. He is normally very attentive, but I just refuse to be 'forgot' about. It's not okay with me to "wait patiently" while he finds the time to spend with me..whether that's talking, seeing one another or anything else. I too have a family, a H and Kids and while I do realize that these aspects of our life are important and come first...I still feel I have a right to expect certain things and a little respect and consideration is all I'm asking for. I'm not asking for a lengthy conversation each and every day...there are days this isn't possible for either of us, but I do expect for him to at least text me and let me know,,,hey, I'm busy, just wanted to let you know etc. That's all...and everything "for me" would be fine. I'm not trying at all to change who he is...I would never do that, I love him for who he is, and I'll take the bad right along with the good, but asking for a little consideration from someone shouldn't be construed as me trying to change him either, right? But I do understand your viewpoint and you had alot of things in your post that made me sit and think for a while. By the way, he actually did call today around lunch...but I again think it was one of those smooth over calls, Or I'll pacify you until I can get around to you type deals...that's how I felt anyway, and I do think I'll take Haley and my friends advice and probably won't answer the phone tomorrow when he calls....I mean what makes him think, "she'll be there whenever I get ready enough to talk?" << cause up to this point, I've let him think that by always being there I think. I mean he was off all day today...doing nothing, at that and did say he'd call back...but did he? No, so I think he's playing games as well. I can play too, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 12:13pm
Oh yeah I totally agree with you, I am being manipulative in order to get my way. But aren't we all. That what an A is afterall. Our way of getting what we want/need out of life, even though it isn't the "right" way to go. So hell yeah I'm gonna do what I need to do to make this work for me, and I can't apologize for that. I'm doing what I need to do to get what I need and I know he's doing what he's doing to get what he needs, so I don't feel guilty about being manipulative. Not one bit.
Avatar for prettyribbons4u
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Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 12:43pm
lol, you and I sound alot alike. I mean...I really don't intend on putting up with alot of unnecessary crap, because...like you said "we are all in it to get what we need or want" and that's just the truth of the matter. My MM called me this morning..and pretended to "introduce" himself to me "twice" at that..and then said, he felt like he needed to re-introduce himself since we haven't talked in so long..then he added "it really sucks" but.....Let's not forget, he WAS off yesterday..and yeah, he called for all of 2 minutes and that was just because he HAD NOT called the day before and it was only what I call "a smooth over" call, if ya know what I mean. I didn't talk to him but a minute this morning, when I heard his cell ring and he put me on hold, only for me to have to hang up since I don't "hold on" for very long. I know he's at work but sometimes I feel like he's playing with me and I don't like it one bit. I sent him a text yesterday that said..."yeah, me too" then turned off my phone and this morning he was like...I'm thinking you may be talking to someone else...you sent me a text yesterday and I acted like oops, didn't mean to do that. <<< I'm like whatever, think what you may....now...how's that for being just a tad messed up? lol. He just really pisses me off at times, and I wouldn't doubt it one bit if he asks me come see him tonight, so far, I've never told him I couldn't...but I'm thinking I won't if he does ask..cause, after all....I haven't talked to him for an hour all week long. Does that make any sense to anyone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 12:49pm
yeah we do sound alot alike! And I would definitely mess with him if calls tonight. It'll be good for him and you. Good for you because he will want you more and realize he needs to pay more attention to you and good for him because he needs the little wake up call.

Go girl! Let me know how it works out. Have a great weekend!