Does anyone else get all pissed off ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Does anyone else get all pissed off ??
4
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 6:59pm
Hi all, just had a bad day today. OM left an email for me this morning letting me know that him, his W and a few couples will be going to dinner and a concert tonight. For some reason, I got all pissed at him. He has every right to have a good time and a life, but for some reason it just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm sick of the few stolen moments, most of which are spent hidden away in a hotel room. I guess misery loves company. I know I wouldn't have a great time being with my H, cause I'd always wish that it was OM there with me instead. Doesn't he ever think to himself, that maybe I don't want to be #2? I hate that he has this whole wonderful time outside of "us" with friends and a nice life. He really does have his cake, and he gets to eat it too! (no pun intended). Sometimes I just wish he wouldn't let me know so much, I really don't care. Anyway, he called me 2 times on my cell, and I didn't pick up, both times he left voice mails, I think he's a bit worried about me, but tough crap, if he had a cell I could call him on, he'd know by now that I'm A, OK! I didn't feel like talking to him at the time, let him think I was too busy to talk to him. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this, I don't know. I just know that I don't want to be 2nd fiddle forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:17pm
I feel the same way. My man and I have been together for four and a half years. We had made promises to each other in the beginning. We said that we would never make promises that we couldn't keep. He tells me he loves me, and I know that I love him. We've talked about perhaps getting together, but his wife would rape him in the divorce. I don't want him to resent me in the end. It still hurts when he has to do things with her and not me. But I guess it's probably the same way for him when I have things to do with my husband. I hate being the second.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 8:20pm
Hey Pug,

Sorry you've had a bad day due to MM's inconsideration. You should ask him not to share that part of his life with you - and you should remember that what you and he have is seperate, and different, than what MM & W has.

No, I don't get pissy at MM for the situation since I knew from the beginning he wouldn't leave the M and that it would only ever be an affair. He's pretty tactful in not mentioning the W, and I'm pretty tactful as well out of respect for him and his M. I do enjoy hearing about his personal time, though, outside of the W - I'm glad he can be happy in other ways.

I don't consider I am second fiddle relationship wise - MM has lots of things going in his life besides relationships, and is juggling them all. Sometimes other things take a back seat when we have our time alone together. What about you, Pug, don't you have other priorities besides MM - and that doesn't make him second fiddle does it?

I should think there are few that are really suited to affairs, especially Americans, and especially our generation(s). We haven't endured a hardship like the Depression, and when we want something we don't mind going into debt for it so we can have it to ourselves, now. Because society has an automatic closed mind about affairs, we stumble along in the relationship without support or mentoring as we would in experiencing other new things.

OK, all that above is speaking from the brain. Speaking from the heart, yeah I do have a hard time in sharing him. I wish it were me he were sharing more of his time with, whether it's dressing to the nines and going to a company function, or just pottering about in the kitchen in weekend garb. I wish we could wake up next to each other in the morning (or the middle of the night), and fall asleep snuggled together at night. I wish we didn't have to look over our shoulders before kissing, or pretend we are just having a friendly conversation. But I don't wish it all the time...when I do, then I know it's time to move on.

Hope you really are feeling A-OK!

Hugs,

Meow



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:00pm
I agree with you about not wanting a blow-by-blow description of what MM and W do together. My MM is usually pretty considerate of doing that with me. I think that he likes to share what he does when we are not together and, of course, that sometimes includes his W. I really hate the “we did this” or “we did that”. I don’t think that MM intentionally does this, but it hurts all the same. I hate hearing about his dates with W. I rarely ever mention my H or "we" with MM.

Like you, I used to wish that I were with my MM instead of H when H and I were out together. Now, I just accept the fact that I am not. I try to think of fun things to do with my H. Things that we both enjoy. It really helps me to keep busy, especially on weekends when there is NC. After all, our MM are out there living life..why shouldn’t we live ours? Life is too short to sit around waiting for a few precious hours every month.

No, I don’t really get pissed at MM for doing things with W. What purpose would that serve? He would still spend time with her and I would still be about 4th on his list of priorities…behind W, grown kids and career in no particular order. I know where I stand and have to either accept it or move on.

You are right, they do have the cake and get to eat it too. It is my personal goal to also have my cake and eat it.

I think that these EMAs we are in are 1/2 the most wonderful things on earth and 1/2 the most miserable thing that I can think of. Like I always say, when the pain outweighs the pleasure, I hope to be moving on.

Hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:08pm
My MM has made a point not to mention W in front of me because he knows how angry and upset it makes me.

But he does however, mention all the time how he really wants to leave her and all.