Does anyone know how I feel?
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| Sun, 09-14-2003 - 7:53pm |
The hardest thing, is that we fell in love with one another. For a while, we were talking about getting together. My husband and I don't have the greatest marriage and the truth is, we make each other miserable. We've talked about divorcing, but he's afraid that I'll never let him see the baby. She's three and he's the only father she's ever known. He's a great father to her.
My lover's wife ended up getting pregnant in January. It's weird considering that he said she was on birth control, and they have only done things like twice a month. I know she planned it, but that's their problem. It's been killing me, and I know it shouldn't. I love him to much to ruin his life. I know that if he did decide to divorce her, she would take him for everything. I don't want that to happen to him. I've already known several couples that did the same thing. They ended up divorcing their spouses, and getting together, and then breaking up because they ended up resenting each other. I would rather to be with him this way, then end up having him hate me and not have hima at all.
Am I crazy for loving him? I know that we would have a happy marriage together, but I don't want to have him hate me because of his situation with his wife. What would anyone here do? Would they be content having a relationship with the man secretly, and remain married to someone they don't love? Am I crazy?

I have often wondered what it would be like to be in a real relationship with MM... would it work... or would be just drive each other insane. I know that there are things about him that would bother me and I'm just as sure there are things about me that would bother him. Would we be able to keep it all together or would it just go the way of our marriages and be doomed from the start???
All questions that I doubt will ever be answered... both MM and I will never leave our spouses for another person... if we leave... it's under our terms and our terms only... and I know for myself... I've a long way to go on that one yet... I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.
So... for now I accept what we have and make the very best of it. While it may just be an EMA... for me... it doesn't make what we have any less special... just that we have to make many allowances to keep what we do have.
Am I crazy??? maybe so... but to be honest... I'm content and life is good. I have my marriage that I do work on and I have my family together... at the same time... I have MM that fills the voids that I don't get from DH and that keeps me happy... and while I'm happy... those around me are too.
I do what I do to make my life complete... but at the same time... I take the risks and accept any consequenses that may come from them.
No one can know how you feel and why you do what you do to make you happy... unless they've walked in your shoes... and hon... that ain't ever going to happen. You must take life by the reins and do what you need to do... and if you can live with yourself... then that's all that really matters.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I loved what you wrote, that is all so very true. So so true. Jdreamer