Does this bother anyone else?
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Does this bother anyone else?
| Sun, 01-18-2004 - 2:04pm |
Sometimes my MM talks about his wife---sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. I want him to be able to share everything with me, but I hate when he says 'wife'....I prefer he just call her by her name. Does this bother anyone else? Am I expecting too much not to want to hear comments about her or is it part of the territory? I am 33 and have never been in an EMA until 1 1/2 years ago....seems when I hear stories about things they do--like going to Target to buy stuff---I get upset.

My MM from the beginning has never really mentioned her (W). Our conversations are just about us. If
Hi livin,
MM and I talk about our spouses all the time... and I'm not bothered by it... they are there and they are there for good! and we both accept that... and in many ways it's been good for our relationship... but that is us... and not everyone can handle this.
While I have always called DH by his first name... or by a nickname that MM has given him... MM usually refers to his wife as 'his wife' I do know her name... but he rarely uses it when talking to me.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
No, it never bothers me now. And I do hear about it (and encourage it, and ask for it). And I tell him the same.
I think it depends entirely on what the foundation of your affair is built on.
It used to bother me a lot (in the first couple years of our A). Then, it bothered me somewhat. Now, I get a fleeting feeling of jealousy, but mostly I know that our A depends on his marriage being secure (and my marriage being secure!) -- but more than that, I want him to be happy in his marriage. My relationship with him is entirely separate from 'them', and I understand fully the differences between myself and her. She has a hold on him that I can never have, and as such, she has something that I never will -- on the other hand, I have a relationship, emotional and sexual, that she's in no way capable of sharing with him. Both are very much needed and valued by him.
Now that I'm not 'threatened' by her, so to speak, we can talk in detail and intimately about our day-to-day marriage lives, and how to make them better. We give each other continual advice, and I'm glad when he has a good period of time with her, as he is when I have the same with DH. He loves her, and he loves me, and we fulfill very different (yet very important) roles in his life. And I would have it no other way.
I want him to stay with her. I know that he needs me too. And this, folks, is essentially the 'only' way that an A can truly work long-term.
and keep it separate from what we've got.
I noticed that since he knows it bothers me he thinks twice
before mentioning her but he still does!
Perhaps if I was married myself it wouldn't bother me that much.
I really don't think it's necessary for me to know
how much his mother adores her or how she tries to become a vegetarian...IS IT???
Accepting tht she's there, she's part of his life and will be helps me a little
bit but yes, to answer your question, it bothers me.