does he just want sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
does he just want sex?
2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 4:20pm
Hello, I have posted here before. I have a question, how do you know if he is just in it for sex? I mean my mm and I have been haveing affair for over a year and he tells me things like....you are beautiful, I am falling in love with you. One time I asked him somthing and he said "well we are not a couple yet" but it seems like when we meet all he really wants to do is fool around or have sex. I mean we also do talk a little and he hugs me. When we are done fooling around he usually talks for a bit and leaves to go back to work. I mean I know maybe he feels a little guilty and stuf too. Last time I was trying to tell him things that were on my mind, which is very hard for me to do as I'm kinda a shy person around him still, I am working on that though, anyway he said to me öpen up with me adn tell me what you want to say" then he said Ï may be feeling the same way you are" so maybe we both are feeling in love but we have not said it yet. I guess I am just hoping he is not just in it for the sex. I don't know guess I Just had to vent a little thanks for listening : )

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 6:11pm
If he is just in it for sex, would you end the relationship? If not, then it really doesn't matter what he is in it for, and I would just leave it alone. If you WOULD end the relationship if you found out that his goal was not to have a love affair with you that might end up in marriage, then, you should simply ask him what his goals are, what he hopes to get out of the relationship with you. Ask, and you shall have the answer! But why bother asking, if the answer does not change anything?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 3:26pm
hey sarah, i just saw your original post and wanted to just say that even though our A started as "just sex" it has evolved into a much deeper relationship over the 3+ years we've been together intimately. MM, his W, my BF and i have been friends for 8 years and socialize together alot. when MM and i started this A, it was all about the sex because neither of us was getting it at home. but within six months, we were sharing our daily lives and making way more time to see each other. and then we started taking overnight trips together to explore how spending long periods of time together felt. and those times felt really great.

every R changes over time. jmo, but i believe the dynamics of any R change the longer you are involved with someone, whether it's your H, lover, children, friends, whatever. in my case, MM and i have expressed our deeper feelings recently and the "love" word has been used by both of us. but we are taking the R one day at a time because we are both comfortable with the situation as it is. there are no long-term plans for a future together. he and i both agree that we're in this A with no end in sight.

enjoy your MM for the times you have with him. try not to "read" feelings/thoughts into his actions. the action speaks for itself. from your post, it sounds to me like your MM is developing those "deeper feelings."

but you need to realize that if you're not happy in this A, you should, at the very least, communicate to him how you are feeling regarding the "just sex" aspect of your post.

take care,

gurl