You haven't given any particulars, such as - are you married? Is he married?
If either or both of you are married, then he's having second thoughts. If that's the case, I'd leave him alone. Why entice someone into something they really are pulling away from? If you try to entice or seduce, he'll only hate himself (and then you) for giving in.
Just wait. Don't call. If he decides himself to follow through, then decide if you want to go ahead yourself after all. I'd be wary. I think he'd be the type to pull away big time if you ever got involved.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
Thank you lexione, it all makes sense what you say. I am M, he is S,I will just see if he calls, I will not initiate any more phone calls. One thing just confused me a bit, why would he want to reschedule? He could have just cancelled and that's it......but it would not matter much what he says if he does not call..
"Why entice someone into something they really are pulling away from? If you try to entice or seduce, he'll only hate himself (and then you) for giving in."
" One thing just confused me a bit, why would he want to reschedule?"
Do you remember that episode of Friends where Chandler got hooked up with Rachel's boss? And even though he didn't want to see her, he kept saying "I'll call you"?
People say things to minimise the awkwardness of a situation. "It's not you, it's me" sort of things. By saying he would reschedule, he has avoided all the things he feared might happen, like you asking him why suddenly he wasn't interested in you. At the same time, if he does change his mind, he thinks that a vague mention of "rescheduling" means he can pretty much call you any time.
Not that trying to date someone S made me hugely cynical or anything.. at least my AP calls when he says he will!
Oh I dunno if he's wrapped around my finger exactly LOL!
We've been together almost 10 years. Yeah, a lot of marriages don't get that far! He's single and I'm in a very long term marriage with someone I've known since high school. My OM and I met online in a time when there were a lot of fun message board type places - like this one, except the purpose of them was just fun and fantasy play. (They don't exist anymore BTW, they've been replaced with much more sophisticated stuff like World of Warcraft or Second Life. I liked the old message boards)!
There hasn't been any drama or angst with us. Never "no contact", never any pulling back or push and pull. We communicate every day. On the other hand, we never e-mail through the night or text incessantly. It would drive me crazy to do that, and ruin my beauty sleep. LOL!
I think we're GOOD friends with benefits. I do love him. He's a big part of my life. I think he feels the same. We have the understanding that if a single girl comes along that he's interested in, he's to go for it! It happened a couple of times in the 10 years. Neither one panned out. For him I was sad - he deserves something real.
But I can identify with the angst and the turmoil. My OM isn't my first AP. I have been involved in a head over heels, fully chemically loaded affair. Didn't last as long - 18 months or so. But it was an intense 18 months! It took too much time and attention from the rest of my life, and I was a little crazy during it - not thinking clearly at all. I think I told myself I'd never do *that* again.
Sorry if I helped hijack here! :-)
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You haven't given any particulars, such as - are you married? Is he married?
If either or both of you are married, then he's having second thoughts. If that's the case, I'd leave him alone. Why entice someone into something they really are pulling away from? If you try to entice or seduce, he'll only hate himself (and then you) for giving in.
Just wait. Don't call. If he decides himself to follow through, then decide if you want to go ahead yourself after all. I'd be wary. I think he'd be the type to pull away big time if you ever got involved.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Thank you lexione, it all makes sense what you say. I am M, he is S,I will just see if he calls, I will not initiate any more phone calls. One thing just confused me a bit, why would he want to reschedule? He could have just cancelled and that's it......but it would not matter much what he says if he does not call..
thanks
Ah Lexione, your posts are always so wise.
"Why entice someone into something they really are pulling away from? If you try to entice or seduce, he'll only hate himself (and then you) for giving in."
I needed to hear that.
Thanks for the compliment fourfurkids... (Do you have dogs or cats? Love both, but cats are easier so I have two of those)
(((((Hugs))))) if you need 'em. Sometimes my advice is kinda harsh I think but assume there's hugs too. :-)
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
" One thing just confused me a bit, why would he want to reschedule?"
Do you remember that episode of Friends where Chandler got hooked up with Rachel's boss? And even though he didn't want to see her, he kept saying "I'll call you"?
People say things to minimise the awkwardness of a situation. "It's not you, it's me" sort of things. By saying he would reschedule, he has avoided all the things he feared might happen, like you asking him why suddenly he wasn't interested in you. At the same time, if he does change his mind, he thinks that a vague mention of "rescheduling" means he can pretty much call you any time.
Not that trying to date someone S made me hugely cynical or anything.. at least my AP calls when he says he will!
What is your story Lexione?
Oh I dunno if he's wrapped around my finger exactly LOL!
We've been together almost 10 years. Yeah, a lot of marriages don't get that far! He's single and I'm in a very long term marriage with someone I've known since high school. My OM and I met online in a time when there were a lot of fun message board type places - like this one, except the purpose of them was just fun and fantasy play. (They don't exist anymore BTW, they've been replaced with much more sophisticated stuff like World of Warcraft or Second Life. I liked the old message boards)!
There hasn't been any drama or angst with us. Never "no contact", never any pulling back or push and pull. We communicate every day. On the other hand, we never e-mail through the night or text incessantly. It would drive me crazy to do that, and ruin my beauty sleep. LOL!
I think we're GOOD friends with benefits. I do love him. He's a big part of my life. I think he feels the same. We have the understanding that if a single girl comes along that he's interested in, he's to go for it! It happened a couple of times in the 10 years. Neither one panned out. For him I was sad - he deserves something real.
But I can identify with the angst and the turmoil. My OM isn't my first AP. I have been involved in a head over heels, fully chemically loaded affair. Didn't last as long - 18 months or so. But it was an intense 18 months! It took too much time and attention from the rest of my life, and I was a little crazy during it - not thinking clearly at all. I think I told myself I'd never do *that* again.
Sorry if I helped hijack here! :-)
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Dear Darkpools!
what you say makes sooooo much sense!!! and i am big fan of "friends" :) You could not give a better example or explain it better.
But saying " we will reschedule" he is not burning his bridges and