Does it bother you when MM/W have sex?
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Does it bother you when MM/W have sex?
| Thu, 09-04-2003 - 12:41am |
I'm curious to know how many of you out there get upset over the knowledge that your MM has sex with their W? There are occasions when I know that my MM has with his, and it makes me feel pretty lousy. It's a touchy subject with us, and although we are pretty open and honest with each other, special occasions (like anniversaries or birthdays) can just send me over the edge. So my question is this: how do you deal with it?

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MM and I are both married and we both still have an active sex life with our partners... both of us know this and we understand. We don't actively talk about it... but in passing it sometimes come up... when we are discussing sex.
I can't say that there is any particular way to deal with it... for me... I just know it is all part and parcel of the relationship with MM. Neither of us are looking at leaving our marriages so it's only natural that we will still be sleeping with our partners... therefore I just accept it... otherwise it just gets to me.
I know from talking to MM that what we have together is much different that he and his wife... as is what I have with DH. Mine and MM's sex life together is completely different... and this in itself pleases me... so I don't feel jealous of his wife... and I know that he does not feel jealous of DH.
I think it all a matter of getting your mind around it and in a place that can accept it... how... is another thing. I know that what I have with MM is an affair... and that's what I accept it as... but it doesn't make it any less meaniful for me... but it makes it easier to deal with. If that makes sense?
I don't think I really helped you much... somethings some people can deal with... others can't.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I feel the same way...it bothers me just the thought of, but I dont ask either becuase im scared of the answer in a way. I mean hello I am not stupid I know they must be having sex. I am single and I am only sleeping with MM. MM and I have IC prolly an average twice a week...but how much with W?? hmmm. Once in a while I throw a question at him or a hint to see what he says. Example we went out of town a few weeks ago and a week later or so I asked him becuase he said him and his W were having problems ... so I said have you had sex with her he told me NO. But you know I know he is very honest with me but I also know he knows I would have gotten hurt. He just says it does not happen often and sometimes it can be a few months before they have sex. According to him its him its not her.
Bottom line I have a hard time dealing with it and I would like to know if he enjoys it as much as with me...even though he has told me no.
Anyhow I know I am not much help NO help at all...I just shared my view...thx...Sandy
My H and I didn't have sex that often to begin with. Once my relationship w MM got heated up (love) I had a hard time having sex with my H. He was never interested before, It was always me anyway, so I just stop having sex with H. It was like I was being unfaithful to MM. He (MM) asked me about it one time and I told him that I wasn't having sex with H anymore and he said "You know I would not ask you not to if you wanted to". I know that H and his W were still haing sex and it really bothered me. I wouldn't ask him not to but it really drove me crazy. I never said anything to him until one night, we were all out together without my H (which we sometimes had to do) and he asked me to go to another club with the group and I whispered in his ear "Not if I have to watch your wife hanging on you". From that moment on he never talked about sex with his wife and would make a point to stay away from her when we all had to be together. He later told me that he did not ever want to make me uncomfortable. A thought that was pretty sweet on his part. I know that they aren't having sex since she found out and I still am not with H so I guess nobody's having any fun since he has been away. Boy does that stink!!!!!!
TA
I'm judging from the way you asked the question that you are single, which makes my situation a bit different. I am M, although the sex is obligatory, not very good and very infrequent. I do sortof look at our A evolving into me being quasi-single. I don't have the same normal M attachments and guilt feelings because I consider my M dead in the water.
However, knowing that I am sleeping with my H (when I can't otherwise avoid it without making a big stink) kinda makes it unreasonable for me to get my nose out of joing that OM sleeps with his g/f. What might send me over the edge if I let it, though, was knowing that it's good sex between them and he enjoys it, lol!!! Every once in a great while, I'll get a touch jealous if I think about it too much. I get a bit upset when the details are a little too specific - particularly in areas where she and I differ, because then I wonder if he compares the two of us and if I'm the one he prefers in that detail or if it's her. But I really try very hard not to worry about that stuff or let it bother me because when he's with me, he's totally with me. It's all about the two of us, not her, not my H. Just me and him. And *that* is good times. He loves me, he shows me that love, he makes me feel that love. Anytime I'm tempted to let schoolgirl insecurities get the best of me, I remind myself of that.
Lucky
But as far as details - no way. I have no interest in hearing about something so private, nor would I tell him anything about what sex is like with DH.
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