Does your AP emotionally dump on you?
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| Mon, 07-12-2010 - 11:27am |
If you all remember I have been half crazed all summer because AP was going to be on vacation with the W most of the month of June. Well he's back and I have been pining for him and missed him so much blah blah blah and we finally got together a week and a half ago for a hotel day. Great great. The only thing that bugged me was that he would NOT say that he was excited to see me. I had to say it first. He acted like he was doing ME a great favor to get together and that if he didn't he knew there would be hell to pay. That sucked but I left it alone. The next few days while admittedly I wanted to see him before I left on vaction and he kept putting me off telling me how swamped he was etc...BUT in my defense he would just not say NO. He would say...maybe, call you later etc. My method is to just say No if I can't do something...but anyway...
So, last week I was on vacation with my family. We usually do not communicate on weekends or vacations but he had said...shoot me a text while you're down there. Not an easy task as cell service is so crappy you have to contort you body on such a way to get just one bar...he knows this he just got back from there....So, Wednesday I saw on TV that a client of his got fired and I know it's a big deal to him so I used that opportunity to text.
me: "Hey saw your guy is out..you freaking?"
him: no..all good. Aunt died..been in Seattle all weekend for the funeral just got back.
So I'm thinking oh crap..I know he's already underwater at work now his mood is in the toilet. But I 'm nice!! I say how sorry I am... gush gush...
So I try to wrap it up...
Me: I know you must be crazed at work now. Just wanted to say I am thinking about you and miss you lots.
him: thx...just down
Now I should have left it there and let him stew in his own emotional bile. But no, I'm a masocist.
me: I know. Can I call? (stupid)
him: No. Have guys on my office. Call me tomorrow.
me: OK sweetie hang in there.
him: I am
So I finagle a way to call him the next day...no answer. I text him...hey trying you...30 minutes pass..
him: At the dentist.
Hello! Give me something here to go on. So anyway to make a long story long we continue to text and he dumps more and more crap on...So busy, tooth hurts, he's depressed.... BUT HE WILL NOT SAY ANYTHING NICE!!!even when I ask him to wrap up this convo and say something nice!! It's is all about him and he KNOWS it's difficult for me to text with him.
Him: call me tomorrow.
So I'm like hell no...
So finally I say
me: Ok Look...won't call you tomorrow. It's too stressful for us both. Get some work done, deal with your "down-ness" and take some drugs. Need to see my nice guy when I get back.
him: will do have fun
So There's NO WAY I am contacting him. I am so disgusted. I mean I feel for him, I wish he were in a better place etc.. but to me these are all excuses as to why he just WON"T be NICE. I felt so crappy the rest of my trip because I know I should have just left it alone...but part of me just wanted to push it.
I wonder why I make an effort for someone that just will not make an effort?
He made me feel like I was some great burden for him. When in reality we could have had a nice exchange and left it at that. THEn when I got home we could talk about what 's going on in his life. He would have been SO PISSED if I had done that to him. When he texted me on vacation i just wished him well back and got on with my day.
UGH... so I'm all worked up again. What should I do? Should I even mention it? We won't survive another "talk" I don't even want to talk. I'm inclined to just blow him off but that will start drama too.

Ok..still thinking about this..
I'm wondering if I even make him happy. Or if I have turned into just another box to be checked at the end of the day. I ask this because it seems that if I made him happy...it wouldn't be such a chore to give it back...do something that makes me happy..for ME you know. I feel like I am always there for him. Always take his side etc... offer nice words and encouragement. I tell him I'm proud of him. He says thanks but very rarely does he step up and say something nice...even when I obviously need it.
I honestly do not know what to do. In my mind I want to just totally blow him off. BUt in my heart I don't want to end it. I just want it to be better. I'm so tired. And to think I missed him so much and was dying for him to get home...for this.Yuck.
chechi,
I can say that I was a bit in your shoes this last week - and through a series of events, I can say - step back.
Your posts always make me laugh, even when the subject isn't funny!
It's a tough call.
anotherseyes
Thanks jj and all,
You know I don't mind that he tells me all the negative stuff. I get a sick thrill that I am his confidante. he says he tells me more than he tells the W.
BUT there is a difference between using someone as a sounding board and using them to dump all your negative emotions on. He does it in away that makes me feel bad..like I'm intruding or that doing me a great favor by responding. I would have never done that to him while on vacation. I mean dude...just suck it up!! tell me your having a sh*t week but then say..wish you where here...or I miss you...that's an easy one!!!
He uses all the negative emotions he has as an excuse to not be on his best behavior and to me that's what this A is all about. Attention, Affection and sex. No more no less.
been texting a bit today...seems ok..who knows...there's always something. And you are right...all the crap that he deals with is just another day in my book. It just doesn't ruffle me.
anyway, said he call me in a bit...Will see if I get an invite to do anything this week while my kids are at camp.
Hi Chechi ...it smacks to me of a little jealousy and feeling left out :-)