Does your AP go out on dates with W/ H? How do you feel about that/

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Does your AP go out on dates with W/ H? How do you feel about that/
16
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 3:47pm

My AP will be going on a 'date' this week (he says it isn't a date, they will just go shopping in this big - yeah romantic - city) with HER alone. The kids were supposed to go to family but the family cancelled at the last moment, and W asked me and I tried to come up with an excuse but couldn't think of one that quickly , and now I will be stuck at home while AP goes out on a date with his stupid W.

 

Sorry had to get that out. I know I'm stupid too for saying 'ok' but i really couldn't think of a good excuse when W asked me. I didn't expect her to ask because I thought they would go to family.

I said to AP: "how would YOU feel if *I* would go out on a date and if I would ask YOU to watch my children?"

AP said it isn't a date. Well to me it is.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Wow, that's tough. I find it funny how men tend to not think of things as dates but we as women do. In my situation, I was the one going out on 'dates' with my H and SM had to deal with it. But he as well went out with friends, women and men, and I had to deal with it, Those kind of events are part of the A territory and if you're going to spend anytime at all without going crazy, you need to get a grip on that and just accept the spousal duties, so to speak. The more difficult thing for you ,in this instance , is keeping his kids! Do your best to do something fun, maybe play a word game with them, if they are old enough...something you'll have to concentrate on...keep your mind off them being together. Hope it passes quickly for you! Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
I say DO go on a date and ask him and his W to watch your kids! Why not? It it's time itstime to show him the rebellious side of you! Besides, you deserve a night out on the town, too. Make reservations some place nice and get dressed to the nines, then walk the kids over and rub his nose in it. He may not care but it will be fun for you! Plus they owe you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
I totally agree with JaneJosie. I think it is a very good idea. Go for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
What JJ said...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011
Itstime if you don't do what JJ said....we will all be disappointed. DO IT!! THEN TELL US!! I find it SO RUDE that he is okay with YOU watching their kids! What the hell? Listen, it doesn't have to be obvious...they don't have to do the same thing in return...it can be as simple as you walking over to ask for something...while looking HOT then mentioning you are going out. BAM!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

Jealousy is not a good thing for your health itstime. Try to get rid of it by being more generous (as you are now). Let's say it is a date. Don't you like AP to have a good time with W? Doesn't his poor W deserve this much? Remember that he is going out with his wife! Someone we guys are supposed to have the most loving relationship with.

As you say, enjoy it and forget about the tit for tat plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I'm confused--are you the regular babysitter for your own AP or a friend who they asked to watch their kids? I mean what could your AP say "No, you can't ask X to watch our kids because we are having an affair."--I don't think so, esp. if you have watched their kids or each other's kids before.  I'm not in this situation but I can't imagine that someone who is having an affair w/ a married person would not expect that person to keep going out alone (on dates or what have you) w/ their spouse--if they suddenly stopped going out w/ the spouse, then wouldn't it be suspicious that something is up?  I would think that if a married person wants to hid an affair, they would keep acting normal at home.  I would also not believe it if a married person claimed that they stopped having sex w/ their spouse--I think that people going into affairs have to be realistic about what is probably going on.  Has this guy claimed that he is going to leave his DW for you?

P.S.  I think for me the only way I could have an affair w/ a married guy is if I never ever saw his DW--it would have to be a whole mystery thing, like she is not "real" if I didn't see her--once I saw her or even worse, saw them together, I think I couldn't do it--but of course that's only theoretical, so I'm not judging how these things happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

This reminds me too much of my friend's situation where she was divorced but having an affair w/ a MM and for a while she actually thought he would leave his DW for her because he was telling her how much he loved her & she knew the DW and knew that he & the DW were always fighting.  But it never happened.  It seems in your situation, your AP is getting to have his cake & eat it too--I don't know the back story so don't know why he started the affair w/ you but he gets to have the stability of being married along with the fun one the side.  I don't think it really works to be the OW unless you can really keep your feelings out of it and basically have it for sex & fun only or maybe it works if both people are married & neither one really expects to leave their spouse--not sure about that since it's only from what I've read.