D'oh

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
D'oh
4
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 11:12pm
For those that don't know my story - here's a short recap - been involved with MM for about 7 months now! I AM in love with him - he "loves" me! :/ He's happily married and has said from the get-go he won't leave his M. He has two small children that I am close to and adore! I am friends with his W - infact pretty dang close to her! He is my boss and his W just recently joined our small company - leaving her secure professional position behind! She had alittle wake up call 3 months ago when news hit the street that he and I might be involved... we denied denied denied and she believed us - she is a VERY strong woman and although she still periodically asks me to reassure her I do believe she continues to trust us. But we are not worthy of her trust! :(

When she came on board with our company I started working part time - MM and I thought that was best for a number of reasons but mostly because he didn't see "us" being able to continue in that environment - I didn't agree but I was putting "us" first so I did it!

But NOW - I've made the decision I want to work fulltime either with MM (and consequently his W) or I will move on and do it elsewhere... problem is I LOVE my job - and you have to understand how huge that is for me - someone who has job-hopped for YEARS and finally found this job almost 3 years ago that I can see making a career out of! I talked to MM - he said the green light would have to come from W so she didn't think HE was asking me to come back on fulltime. I wanted to know what HE felt but we didn't have time to talk about it that particular day...

Oddly enough SHE brought it up today out of the blue, wanting me to come back and assist her fulltime. Were it not for MM and I - this would be a god-send... BUT under the circumstances I'm not sure what to do! MM has not contacted me since his W talked to him about this and I'd told him she would be coming to him... he knew I wanted to talk to him about HIS feelings regarding it and he knows that after spending quality time with W today I'm feeling aprehensive about our A. I can't look that wonderful woman in the eye and lie to her - I can't befriend her and love her like I do - knowing what I know and how I feel for her husband! But I'm not sure I can stop loving him or even do the RIGHT thing at this point! :( AND I'm not sure I could work with him fulltime and 1) not want him or 2) not hurt that we can't be together or that godforbid, he be okay with us not being together! :(

UGH - not sure what to do people... any thoughts from the gallery? I LOVE my job - I LOVE my MM - I LOVE my MM's W/my friend and their 2 precious children - I've made a mess of things!

PS - this is a link to my other recent post - just incase you need more background info! ;) http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmyaffair&msg=33489.1

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 6:24am
this is indeed a sticky situation, and no one is perfect, so i won't pass any judgement on you or your choices, but i know what its like to job hop and finally find something you love..but there is so much more at stake than a job. jobs will come and go, and if you do indeed love them both then its best you either move to another full time job ( with great references ) and keep your 'friendship' and secret safe.. or stay part time, but really it'll be interesting to see what you decide. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 5:45pm
thanks so much for your reply! Although the need to pass judgment confuses me and I'm curious as to what you meant! But indeed it is a sticky situation and I haven't a clue how it's all gonna turn out yet! :(

I'm guessing my post is too long that is why no one is responding! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 11:48pm
anyone else have any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 9:55am
I don't know -- you are setting yourself up for one big mess here (IMHO). I would end it with him if I were going to go back to working full time. I know that is easier said than done -- but if you care for his wife and children that much, you should take into consideration the fact that you will probably be GREATLY increasing your chances of the A being found out. You have the potential to hurt a lot of people.

You have to choose -- your job or your A. (I think).

I don't mean to sound judgmental -- but I never could understand how people could swing being that closely involved with the H, W & children. I don't think I could stomach it all. The guilt would eat me alive (I think maybe that's what that last poster could have been referring to). That's just me.

Good Luck

Charlotte