Don't even know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Don't even know what to think
3
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 12:35am

I have been seeing my AP since December and we have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride (who hasn't?). At first, it was very much like we were a real couple who was in the beginning of a real relationship, only I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that he had a family waiting for him when he left me. I saw SO much of him that it was almost unreal to me that he had a GF, even though I knew for sure that he definitely did. We quickly went from only wanting sex to getting our feelings involved, to him wanting me to be exclusive with him and me wanting that too. We were pretty reckless about our relationship at its highest time. We went out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 7:59am

You really don't NEED to be there for him. If that's what you want, then that's what you'll do. But keep this in mind: if he didn't just totally mess it all up, he would still be with his girlfriend, not you. You are his second choice. You are his stand-by. What will happen if you jump in with your heart all vulnerable and she softens or changes her mind? Even if she doesn't change her mind, will you be secure with him, knowing that you were never the one he wanted most? When your relationship got to a point where he knew it was threatening his relationship with his g/f - it was over for the two of you. All these facts should say something to you.

I have a feeling your "head" already knows all this but you're wanting to act with your "heart". Not only would you be dealing with all those facts, but also a man who needs a lot of therapy and help with possible alcoholism. Just think long and hard about it all...

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do - it sounds like you've been through the ringer with him so far! I hope everything turns out the way you want it to turn out. :-)

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:27am

Hi Girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 5:29pm

It looks like things are going to be resolved for him as well as they can. He talked to his GF on the phone for about an hour today and she has agreed that she will testify on his behalf if it will help, AND that she won't try to keep him from seeing his daughter. They both think it will be best if he doesn't come back to their place for now, but they're going to take her out for ice cream tonight and also talk.


He has a great perspective about the whole thing today. He finished up dealing with a nightmare customer who ended up being a big waste of time and I texted "OUCH . . . sorry you got stuck with them". He texted back, "don't be. wasting my time