Don't know how to do this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2008
Don't know how to do this...
8
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 6:34pm
So, I am new to this whole A thing. I really can't even believe it happened! I am MW, met MM through work. We live in different states but have some of the same friends in the company. He got my #, began texting after a meeting. It was just friendly, work-related stuff at first, every other week or so. Then more often, etc etc. I was attracted to him immediately upon meeting him and later found out same on his end. We gradually began texting more and more- almost every day- always initiated by him.
It became sexual and attraction was revealed. We had another work meeting and sealed the deal. I could not help myself- everything about this man draws me to him. EVERYTHING. Seriously- the most irresistible man I've ever met. While he doesn't admit to another A, he has slept with someone else other than wife (once he says) and claims a woman kissed him at a bar while he was on a "guy's weekend." I don't think he's been married more than 5 years. He's not even calling this an A, says we are friends who.... So, we had a the meeting, had some good times. The last night he comes to me and says we're not going to have sex that night b/c it's not all about sex and he respects me, blah blah. I was floored and a bit disappointed (in the no sex part) He started calling - before this it was really only texting. This went on a few weeks after the meeting. Now, we're back to just texting a day or two a week and I let him initiate always.
We've talked about doing it again whenever possible. The next meeting is months away though, there is possibility of some other things in between now and then. I just don't know what I am doing. I don't know if it's ok to suggest just a meeting between us with no work involved- if he would go for it, how we would plan it, etc. He said it's worth the wait when I said we won't see each other for months.
I love my H and we weren't having any problems. Now, I am only a bit sexually unsatisfied b/c of things that my AP will do that H won't and the fact that AP is the best lover I have ever had- used to be H. I'm frustrated when I don't hear from AP and happy when I do. This is so confusing? Anyone relate??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 12:10am
Well, Mistakes... that's how it starts.
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2008
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 6:28pm
"For me, I never really felt all that attractive, and just to have this great looking guy pursuing me? Wow"
I can relate- just getting back into pre-baby body and loving all the attention and feeling attractive. This guy though... totally my brand of heroin, if that makes sense. Like now that I know what it's like to be with him, if we're in the same place again I won't be able to resist. And he doesn't make it easy to stop thinking about him by texting every day or so. I am pretty certain he knows how to play this game. But even knowing that, I'd still fall for it. Ugh. Worst of all- I know this will inevitable go nowhere. Neither one of us will never live near the other and neither wants to leave their spouse or children. Well I don't- I'm fairly certain he doesn't. Double UGH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 9:46pm
I had one question. How do you keep an affair going for ten years. It has to be so hard to nuture the relationship. I've read of other people doing it to. Did you guys go through a series of break ups, guilt, the basic on and off. How often do you guys see each other and talk to each other now. Have you guys either been caught or almost caught. I'm sorry for the thread hijack and all the questions. For me 2 years or almost 2 years seems like a long time. At times it seems like a lot of work. Right now I feel a phase maybe where I may want some space to find myself. I just lost my job and feel midly depressed about it.then ill see a message from him or an email I realize how much I miss him and love him. Dk, the tangled web we weave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 1:47pm
I was wondering the same thing about ten years..... mine has only just begun and I can not wrap my head around that time. I haven't even been married that long!
Well, new developments are a bet we made involving two sporting events and I am wondering now if he is going to ask me to meet him somewhere in the next month or two. He's been very attentive lately and when I sent a text asking if this was as good as a shake on our bet, he said it was more like a binding contract. I thought that was good. I really had no clue as to how to proceed. We were supposed to see each other the past week but the reason for that on my end fell thru, so we were not able to. I don't want to wait like 5 months of just texting and talking on the phone.
It's so hard to not be able to talk about this with anyone but anonymously on here. One friend of mine found out by accident but we don't talk a whole lot about it. I wonder if it makes her uncomfortable....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Thu, 11-27-2008 - 3:27am
Hi mistakes.....I just read your answer to MY post on my new affair. I just HAD to chime in here, because I am so new at this that I am not even sure what to expect from this man, where are we going, what are we doing. But, it's so intense right now that it is SOMETHING, even if it is short-lived. I don't know...but carriedaway said it perfectly, for me at least....we are 2 lovers caught between a real relationship and no relationship....and that we (definitely ME) have a foot in two different worlds. SOOOOO true....the question is...how well can I balance?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 2:36am
It's the oddest thing... it's lasted nearly 10 years (will be 10 in May), because we've worked really hard on it.
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 10:32am
Just wanted to add one more thing to my response to Mistakes...
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 2:40pm
Unfortunately, one friend does know. A work friend. Doesn't live in my state or know my H. I kind of wish she didn't by AP called while she and I were having dinner and when we were done she asked who it was and says jokingly "are you two having an affair?" The look on my face gave me away. She wanted all he details. She told me to be careful but that was about it. She's not a judgmental person and she understood early on what I have just kind of come to understand- it's really a FWB situation more than an A since neither one of us is interested in leaving our M's. (at least I'm not and I don't *think* he is cuz of his kids)