Don't know how to handle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Don't know how to handle
16
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 2:09pm

I cheated on my spouse before... and when questioned... I lied...


We're still together and working on it... I vow to never to do it again... I make this vow to myself as well as to him...


However, he still is very untrusting of me, which I of course understand... however is it really fair that I have to sit through ranting and raving and belittling all the time... when there is nothing I can do or say to make him suddenly feel... "OK"???


For instance, this morning we got into a heated discussion, which caused him to ask me if I've cheated on him recently, which I haven't... and to which I answered "NO" emphatically a few times over...


Of course he was angry, saying that he can't believe me or trust that I'm being honest, since I wasn't honest with him originally (over a year ago).

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:00pm

Are you here looking for support or trying to promote this porn site you have linked on your post?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 8:49am

That's just part of my signature... I'm really looking for support...


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 10:03am

If you are looking for support, perhaps you should check out "betrayed spouses". They may be attacking at first, since you were the one having the affair, but if support is what you are looking for, you will get it there. You may get some very good insight as to why he is still treating you in this manner, since you will be supported by the betrayed spouses.


Maybe try marriage counseling.


Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 10:49am

I was the WS (wayward spouse) in my situation...so I can speak from that viewpoint.


Sweetie --- he is in PAIN. He is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 11:53am

Have you come clean with him on everything?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 12:35pm
Transparency should be a two way street. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. Something of a Red Flag I would say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 1:29pm

I would say that if he is going to continue to punish you relentlessly you are in for a very long journey. My now xH punished me daily and I took it for a while. Then I didn't anymore.

On the advice to check out the BS board...please do not post there. We ask that they don't post here and they ask that we don't post there. They are in a tremendous amount of pain and for many the wound is still very raw. Please respect that.

If you ARE interested in the perspective of the betrayed spouses, then I suggest you check out the Life After Betrayal board and the folder there entitled "Both Sides of Affairs".

Good luck to you. I do hope it works out for you.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 3:03pm

No worries... I had no intention of posting there...

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 7:29pm

Kathleen,


Wow, first things first---- a cyber affair/emotional affair (CA/EA) is no less devastating than a PA (physical affair).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 10:49pm

I think it's time for you to get tough. Enough of this emotional abuse he's heaping on you just because you made a bad choice. Take away the free ticket his been using to get away with treating you like "poop' just because you had an A.

Seriously, you sit him down and tell him he needs to decide if he wants to work this out and go MC with you or get a D. He can't throw that stuff up in your face and be punishing every time he feels like it. It's not right for your kids to see their Mommy being treated so poorly and verbally abused. What you are describing is NOT an M you want your children to have. You need to do something about it. Don't wait till you go insane and take a hammer to his head while he's sleeping (which is what I would have done long ago).

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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