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| Wed, 04-29-2009 - 2:09pm |
I cheated on my spouse before... and when questioned... I lied...
We're still together and working on it... I vow to never to do it again... I make this vow to myself as well as to him...
However, he still is very untrusting of me, which I of course understand... however is it really fair that I have to sit through ranting and raving and belittling all the time... when there is nothing I can do or say to make him suddenly feel... "OK"???
For instance, this morning we got into a heated discussion, which caused him to ask me if I've cheated on him recently, which I haven't... and to which I answered "NO" emphatically a few times over...
Of course he was angry, saying that he can't believe me or trust that I'm being honest, since I wasn't honest with him originally (over a year ago).

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Kathleen,
Read Glo's (g2's) post again honey. You absolutely do NOT "deserve" punishment...even sporadically. I promise.
One of the most valuable things my therapist said to me was "marriage shouldn't feel like a prison."
Thanks ladies... really... I'm sitting here at work reading this with a knot in my throat... :)
http://www.tarzanslovespot.com ... for the animal in you
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I read Goddess's post again and you're sooo right... but then I read my most recent response and I feel like a loser... making excuses for him... taking all the blame... swallowing it and trying to move on...
What the hell is wrong with me?
http://www.tarzanslovespot.com ... for the animal in you
Be sure to sign up for our Free Mailing Lis
Sweetie, no matter what you did, you don't deserve the emotional and verbal abuse. That's why we have professionals who can help people sort this stuff out.
You are every bit as special and as important as anyone in this world. Asks your kids if you're not sure about that.
For me personally, I wouldn't stay in an M if I feel disrespected. I know I cheated, but there are reasons why. If the H is not willing to find help with me to understand the why, then it's not productive for me to stay in the M. And being yelled at and called all kinds of unsavory names is not what someone who loves you would do. Please don't be a model for your kids to think this is okay.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
I don't think I can thank you enough for your kind words... I just hope that as I think these things all through I find the strength I need to do something about it...
http://www.tarzanslovespot.com ... for the animal in you
Be sure to sign up for our Free Mailing Lis
Kathleen,
You're not a loser. I hate labels but I have to say, your H is being manipulative and abusing to control the situation for his own advantage.
Cyber affairs are no less heinous or emotionally hurtful than traditional A's. Cheating is cheating.
It's sad but he is using your A. to deflect attention away from his own bad behavior. Maybe it's conscious on his part, maybe not. But if he refuses to take responsibility for his share of the problems in your M., it will be difficult for the two of you to get past this.
Please know...you do deserve better treatment than this.
Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love. ~Anonymous
&nb
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