Dont know what to do
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Dont know what to do
| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:29am |
Hello everybody, well i was visiting reading some of the posts and it seems like most of everyone who was experiencing NC has finally gotten thru it. How did yall do it because i am still in it with MM. I tried to call MM but no answer, i just wanted to talk to MM and basically flat out ask him if he still wants this but he wont answer any of my phone calls either he's not there when i call or he's avoiding me, i'm not sure, anyways, i am just dealing with alot. I want to hear something from MM and i dont think that's going to happen. Last time we talked i asked him "what is it about me that keeps you holding on to this" his response "Faith", faith for what i asked " for happiness one day" was his reply so if MM is happy with me than why is he trying to push me away. I dont know if he got scared after a year he told me he loved me or what. We usually always have this crap going on, he will do the NC thing, i will get tired of it and send him a im saying i cant deal with this anymore and then a month will go by and then i will call him up and apologize and then things will be back to normal but this time i think it really could be over even though i dont wont it to be. I go to bed thinking of him, wake up thinking about him, everything i do he is always in my mind. This past weekend i went to the town he lives in and was visiting a few friends, and then every memory hits me, rode by the special places we used to meet at and was even on the road MM used to live on. Everytime i am reading the newspaper or listening to the radio, even getting on the computer reading articles MM's name is everywhere. I know i might sound crazy and maybe i am even though i thought i was a sane woman this is making me crazy. How can you move on with your life when everything around you brings back the memories of MM? I have sent several im's asking him to just tell me if it's over b/c i dont play the game of "well i am going to avoid you until you finally get the clue, i played that game back in high school and it's not for me anymore. He always used to get pissed off at me when i flirted with other guys and he would even ask me if i was seeing someone, like i was his and noone could have me. MM even went so far one time when we broke up supposedly my fault and started just talking to one of his ex's and when i asked him why, his excuse was he was trying to get back at me, vengence b/c i upset him. Why should he care to make me jealous, he's the one who just keeps pushing me away when i have been there for him emotionally, physically, and etc. I dont understand men and i guess i never will not saying all men are this way b/c we have got some gentlemen on this board but i would at least say half of all male species. I need some advice in what i should do, should i call him in hopes that he will pick up the phone or should i just wait on MM? I guess what i want is for him to have the balls and tell me if it's over instead of trying to figure the crap out for myself, can anyone understand where i am coming from? I am sorry this is so long but i needed to get this out, Now i feel better.

It sucked...about a month into it I really began to wonder if I could make it another month or if I should end it and start a clean slate
In your situation you have tried asking --- calling --- etc -
He hasn't said yes it's over and he hasn't said no it's not so you are in this sort of unknown 'limbo-ish' state that everyone talks about --- you know when someone says...oh you just need closure etc...
I think since he isn't making a choice either way maybe you might have to make one yourself - it depends really on if you want to continue this limbo-feeling or you want to deal with what is real and either end it and move on or go on not knowing
If this were me.....Simply I would call fine if he doesn't answer I will leave a message and say --- hey I haven't heard from you in a really long time, first I miss you, second I am confused, and worried and third I need to know where it is I stand - if I don't hear from you I will just presume we are over and this way I am not left here waiting for you like I have been for the past couple of weeks -
I don't want to have to give you ultimadum's (sp) but I am really hurting over not talking to you --- I need to know something so I can deal with my day to day existence -
I hope this isn't the end but if it is after all this time I would have expected you to have told me this some other way
You did mention this is a long term EMA --- what has happened in these types of situations before ..what has kept him from you with no phone call or anything ??
Kikki
(((((HUGS)))))
GB2
Sorry...I'm having a bad day. :(
That's what I do during NC, and also just during regular times. And I find myself not thinking about MM so much when I'm busy doing other stuff.
Its when I have too much free time on my hands, that I start overthinking everything.
As far as your situation, if it were me I would totally back off.
From what you said, you've left phone messages, computer messages etc. and haven't heard anything. I would just leave it at that. If you never hear from him again, I guess you have your answer then.
I just find men don't like being harassed/nagged. Look at all the complaining husbands!! When my MM seems to be getting into NC with me, I just send maybe one short email a week, just saying something like "hi, thinking about you, hope everythings okay, talk to you soon I hope".
And then I leave it at that.
Even if I were to call him, begging, crying, or emailing constantly, I think that would really p*ss him off. And so I don't do that. I just lay off completely, and let him come to me.
I know it sucks, the waiting game, but what choice is there if you want to continue?
And you have to find something to occupy yourself so you don't sit there crying and thinking about him all the time!!
Take up a hobby. I recently took up sewing again, and believe me, something that keeps your mind and your fingers busy is the best. You will feel better about yourself and life in general if you can find things to do to make yourself happy. Take care,
Dusty
Also here's another to think about. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, you had something good between you and him. Do you REALLY believe that he would believe that crap the other guy said? If you really meant something to him, he would not believe it.
You really need to calm down and wait it out.
I hope you don't think I'm being overly harsh to you honey, but it sounds like you're getting yourself a little out of control over this whole thing.
We all hate NC and not knowing what's going thru these MM's heads, but making multiple phone calls and keeping on trying to get him on the phone and emails will not work if he does not want to answer to you right now. You've really got to give him his space and if its meant to be, you will have him back again. I really hope you can try and find some peace and calmness in yourself right now during this difficult time for you. Hugs to you,
Dusty