Don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Don't know what to think
6
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 8:44pm

I am just so frustrated right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:10pm

I don't know, something doesn't sound right here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:55pm

I agree about why is he cheating if she is so perfect.

Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:16pm

I would be very cautious with him. One thing that always sticks out in my mind? When someone says their AP has told them their wife/husband is "perfect" or "just what they want". Why on Earth have an affair if they are "perfect" or whatever? I know by the time *I* started having an affair - I had realized my H was the furthest thing from perfect. So, I would be a little weary of him saying that.

It sounds to me like he's a cake eater. He probably has no intention of leaving his "perfect" wife - he wants the fun on the side though.

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 8:56am

I would second what earnhardt.jr.fan and niffer have said - proceed with caution.

Look around here kitty. It's very rare that APs end up together. I wouldn't bank on ending up with your AP at all - he shows all the signs of someone fully intending to stay in his marriage. If you look around, you'll find single people involved in affairs for years and years - waiting for the slight possibility that their AP will leave his/her marriage. How many years are you willing to give? Has he ever said that he will leave someday? Even if he has said it, I wouldn't trust that. You are newly divorced and vulnerable, probably lonely. Why not move closer to your family, as you originally intended? You can still stay in touch with AP for awhile if you really want to, and if he loves you as much as he says he does, he will find a way to leave his W and be with you. But at least you'll have your family around you if it doesn't work out. Imagine moving closer to him and then having it not work out - you'll be more isolated than ever. Or if it just goes on and on the way it is - you always coming second, you always being in the shadows - you'll feel like you have no choice but to stay, with no "support system" around you.

Think about it. I think this decision is a big crossroads for you.

Whatever you decide, come here and vent/talk about it - it really does help. And welcome to MAS!

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 1:53pm

There have been so many times when I want to stop the roller coaster but we just can't seem to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 7:13am

Kitty - most of us here HAVEN'T done it. We haven't severed ties. Some of us are happy with the way things are. Some of us are not. In your case, it just seems like you might be going years with no change. I hate to imagine that for you. But it's up to you really; it's your decision whether you are more miserable with him or without him. Of course in the immediate aftermath of breaking up, you'd be much more miserable without him, but five years down the road - will you be happier if you've broken up with him or happier if you stay?

Whatever you do, we're here to listen!

Proud to be a



Proud to be a





You've