Don't want to start game playing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Don't want to start game playing
10
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 9:57am
From reading these boards, it sounds like a lot of us are in the position of feeling like we do all the reaching out, and are frustrated when MM doesn't call, email, text message, whatever the case might be. I am beginning to get frustrated myself, and I don't want to be.

Quick background - we have been having an A for a few months. We are both teachers in the same building and spend too much together at work. Neither of us plans on leaving our spouses, for the most part we are just having a good time. We do care about each other (we started out as friends), but we are not in love with each other or any of that. (Although I do feel myself falling for him which is freaky). Anyway, we see each other every day at work, and call or see each other every afternoon before going home. We also email - or I should say I send him long messages and he replies when he can (his grown son lives at home and is always on the computer).

We were together on Wednesday (played hooky from work) and yesterday I ended up going home sick. I saw him briefly in the morning before I left and asked him to call me later on since I would be home alone (he is waiting to hear about another job and I am dying to know if he got it). Well, the day went by with no phone call. I know he is really busy at work, but still ... just a quick minute to say "Hi - how are you feeling?". Then no email all day. (I sent him 2)... Still none this morning ...

So now I feel like playing the old "Let's ignore him and see when he notices" game. I usually go see him in the morning, or at the latest I stop to see him on my way back from a class before lunch, then end up having lunch with him. I'm so tempted to not stop in to see him today and see if he comes to see me or calls me. But that's pretty childish, isn't it?!

HELP! I don't wanna' play games, but I also don't want to feel like I'm stalking this man! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 10:28am

hi dazednconfused -- honey, if you don't want to play the "game" then don't.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:13am
My OM does this too - especially during the weekend - the first few weeks of our R, I would call his voicemail and leave a message about where I was going (to the grocery store etc.) and magically he'd call or show up when he knew I was alone. For the past few weekends, even after saying we "might" get together and that his g/f was working he hasn't so much as replied to my voicemails or called or anything - I steam all weekend only to find out monday that g/f stayed home sick or he was fishing or had a baseball game or something - but geez, it would be nice to know so I don't work myself in to a tizzy.

Anyway, he'll come around - I'd wait, but that's me. I do that with OM and he usually comes around within a few hours - we work together too. I try to wait until he contacts me in the mornings and he usually does by 9:30 or so...and I told him that I get annoyed that he doesn't reply to my emails so I have pretty much stopped sending them.

Hang in there and let us know what happens...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:25am
It sounds like my situation also. My MM used to email, IM, and call all the time, but he has gotten very busy at work and sometimes a day will go by (or two) before I'll hear from him. And, I too, worry myself into a tizzy because I automatically assume the worst. Like, for instance, he was going out of town the other day and told me to call him at a certain time so we could talk until he was out of range. I tried and tried and tried...kept getting his cell's voice mail. I was so worried because I didn't know what was going on. Then, the whole weekend goes by with no word, no email...nothing. Later to find out his W ended up going out of town with him. But still...a quick "hi" on the phone or a quick email...("The W went with me...sorry...I'll talk to you Monday.") would certainly suffice. Being the OW, it's a hard situation, because if something WERE to happen, we would be the last to know (if ever). So, I panic unnecessarily at times.

I've expressed my concern to him...how it makes me feel...how worried I get. He has promised to get word to me somehow. He doesn't like making me worry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:37am
I agree with Gurl too :) What's up with these guys, they want to email them but if you do they don seem to bother anyway. Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:03pm
Hey dont beat us all up!!

It's been 3 years and I still email MW 3+ times a day. We talk everyday, except on sunday, We see each other at least 2 times a week!!

She is the one who does not seem to have time for me. Many of my emails go unanswered, but I know she is busy at work, she makes it up at night, or she'll call and say that she'll get back to me, she is just busy now!

She dropped off a fresh baked cake at my office this morning, for no reeason at all, just that she was thinking about me last night and knew I like this cake! WOW what a woman!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:16pm
wow, spencer, you are one lucky guy - a fresh-baked cake because she was "thinking about you."

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:29pm
She does stuff like that for me so often, (trust me I know how lucky I am)

I only dream how wonderful it would be to come home to her everyday!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:37pm
from your thoughts to god's ears, honey!!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:40pm
Thanks Gurlfriend!

And I hope things work out for you in your situation, darlin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:45pm
in my life, anyway, things have a way of turning around in a couple of days.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board