Don't like the way OM is treating me
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Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:35pm |
I am so angry at OM right now. After a month of NC, we saw each other last week and talked about what's going on in our lives and ended up kissing. The next day he took me out for lunch and told me to call him later on to let him know what I was doing so we could possibly meet up. I did and there was no answer and no return phone call. I think he was away seeing someone he's been dating out of the city. The next day, still no phone call. Finally I gave in and called him again to see what's going on, and he said he was out (at a place in the city so he was obviously back already) and couldn't hear me so he was going to go to the bathroom to call me back. That was almost a day ago and still no word from him. I don't understand why things seemed to be getting back on track last week - he seemed interested and happy to be with me, and all of a sudden decides to treat me like crap. It doesn't make sense. I can't believe I've been going along with this - I have never taken this kind of treatment from a man before, I've always stood up for myself and would have been out of the relationship by now. But I can't let go of my feelings for OM! I don't know what kind of message he's trying to send by acting like this but it really upsets me. Thanks for listening.
PS. Do you think it could have something to do with the fact that I like to take care of myself and he likes to 'nurture' the woman he's with? I know this theory sounds strange but I noticed when we went out for lunch, I offered to pay and he said no, so I offered to split the bill (since he has paid for everything for me - even though I've offered to contribute - the last few times we've gone out) and he didn't like it but he finally accepted. One time we went out and he bought me a few drinks, and when I returned with one for him, he was angry that I did it. I like having a man care for me but I don't want him to think I'm a golddigger and expect him to pay for everything. His ex was like that and he used to get so upset when she wouldn't at least offer to help pay on occasion. But when a woman can take care of herself, he doesn't seem to like that either. Just thought I'd throw that in - but now I'm even more confused thinking about it!
Edited 8/24/2003 1:18:32 PM ET by jeanie402
Ugh! I think it might be difficult to leave a relationship when one still has feelings/love/care for the other, even if you recognize it isn't good for you, even if you are strong, even if you are independant.
Do you think he is purposely avoiding you, or is he unknowingly being inconsiderate - has it happened before? I know you know that someone is going to respond with, well you need to communicate to him how you feel, and ask him to meet you on that (as you won't accept any thing less)...that is, if you want to remain in the relationship.
I don't know that it does have a correlation to how he likes to pay when you are out - I think that may be a "societal-influenced man thing". My MM is the same, although he knows and appreciates how I want to be independant he will not accept my paying for anything - and I've capitulated on that since he feels so strongly about it, and it's not an issue for me. But, financing and nuturing is not the same. If your MM wants to do other things for you to help you out, or he wants to support you in your decisions, then he is being nuturing - helping you grow as a person. JMHO
I know you'll think of *you* Jeanie - but we're here to lend strength and support when you need it.
Hugs,
Meow
I remember from past dating experiences that I was always good at getting the guy but bad at keeping him. I suppose my view was, if I like him, I want to spend time with him, why pretend that I'm too busy and play hard to get, making him think I'm not interested? I've always kept my own friends and my own interests, but I will make time to talk to or see someone if I'm interested. I think I may be too 'available' for OM (despite the fact that I'm M!) but I feel that if I pretend that I'm too busy to see him, he will take it as a bad sign and back off completely. I've never been good at playing hard to get. I'm scared to lose him and I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Thanks for the advice and support.
Your OM sounds exactly like my OM. It's
almost scary! My OM went away overnight
this weekend and he didn't even bother
calling me to let me know he got back.
And he's also been very distant. I have
also vowed that I'm not going to pursue
him, he has to be the one to contact me
next. I'm a litte freaked out because it
sounds like we're in A's with the same OM.
Hope we aren't! lol ~passion
My neice was listening to Christina Aguilera the other day and as cheesy as this sounds her song "Walk Away" makes a lot of sense.
Jeanie
He'll say, "I'll call you back
in a minute." And he doesn't
call me back. But I've learned
that he does this, so I don't
even wait for him to call me
back, I just go about my day
and try to forget about him.
I really hope we don't have the
same OM because it's just creepy
how they are a lot a like! My OM's
first initial to his name is S.
(If your OM's first letter is S,
let me know... lol)
I hope you're doing better and
not thinking too much of your
OM! Hugs, ~passion