don't you want more?
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don't you want more?
| Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:30am |
Maybe it's because I'm so new to all of this and the inexperience is kicking in, but I can't help but read through the archives of posts here and wonder how the majority of you here can be ok, be satisfied with just an A. My A started about a month and a half ago, and it's been a crazy whirlwind of emotions and if I was to think that it was always going to be an A, I would get out now. I'm not ok with the sneaking around, with the not being able to go out in public, with the constant worrying about being caught......how do those of you who've been doing this for a long time, handle those feelings? I'm having trouble enough trying to keep my heart from getting too attached to this wonderful person I'm with that thinking of it always being like this really frightens me. We're both in relationships (I'm married, he's in a long term relationship) but we've already talked about leaving and I think it's only a matter of time. But I guess my real question is, how do you handle all the emotions that come with this? How do you keep yourself from writing long, crazy, emails in the middle of the night? How can you not want more than this?

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My situation is very similar. Way too many obstacles to make it worth while. My mm and I have been together 7 mos. and I am wrestling with telling him that I have feelings for him (even though he told me once) because of the fact that we discussed this before and agreed that we wouldn't leave our families. I still don't plan on doing that and don't expect him to, but it is true You sometimes WISH so hard that things could be different. I sometimes feel envious of his W because she will have him the rest of her life.
dd
But don't let me deter you write that long email to him in the middle of the night GF. I can see where are coming from, it can be a good high (on the roller caoster) while it lasts..
I've read many of the posts here and some of you have been in affairs for years, and why haven't you gone insane? I especially read the posts about whether or not you discussed your sex lives with each other. I would not be in my relationship now if I thought he would sleep with his wife, or that it was more than just a matter of time before their marriage ended. They don't sleep in the same room or touch at all, and haven't in many months.
Of course, I have so many doubts that linger in my mind. You know the one your Moms always told you: Men don't leave. Men will always lie, especially when they have the best of both worlds. And my favorite: there's two sides to every story. Is he lying to me about the state of his marriage? Is he lying when he tells me his child is the reason he is staying, and that his wife is a screaming, shrew-hag who is always drunk?
I really don't know if he's lying. I choose to think that he isn't, and that we will always love each other. I just don't know how long I can hold on, always being 2nd or 3rd on his list, or not speaking to him on weekends because she is always nearby. I want so much more than he will give me right now, and I don't know whether to wait around (it's been 8 months) or tell him to give a call when he's free.
I guess Life is just a big gamble like that...
--E
I am just thankful that we found each other. We are 800 miles away from each other so it is difficult to see each other (every one or two months). We leave each other voicemails at work, e-mail, and on rare occassion...talk on the phone once a week.
I often find myself jealous when I see younger single people. I wish I could start over and know that my MM was my soul mate. BUT...we have made our decisions and we are just making the most of it as best we can:-).
GOOD QUESTION, by the way:-)
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