don't you want more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
don't you want more?
13
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:30am
Maybe it's because I'm so new to all of this and the inexperience is kicking in, but I can't help but read through the archives of posts here and wonder how the majority of you here can be ok, be satisfied with just an A. My A started about a month and a half ago, and it's been a crazy whirlwind of emotions and if I was to think that it was always going to be an A, I would get out now. I'm not ok with the sneaking around, with the not being able to go out in public, with the constant worrying about being caught......how do those of you who've been doing this for a long time, handle those feelings? I'm having trouble enough trying to keep my heart from getting too attached to this wonderful person I'm with that thinking of it always being like this really frightens me. We're both in relationships (I'm married, he's in a long term relationship) but we've already talked about leaving and I think it's only a matter of time. But I guess my real question is, how do you handle all the emotions that come with this? How do you keep yourself from writing long, crazy, emails in the middle of the night? How can you not want more than this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:18pm

Hi BBB,


I guess you can put me in the catergory 'doing this for a long time' it's been 4 years with MM now.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:58pm
If you read the posts long enough you will see all the hurting and all of the pain involved. Sometimes it's under the surface, but it's there. Sure there are some who are happy with the way things are but I think most of us wish things could be different, could be ideal. I echo most of what was said here, I wish my MM and I could ride off into the sunset together but then there are other lives involved, mostly the kids, to be concerned about.

I also did not intend to be involved in an A for this long, over two years now, but I fell in love and cannot live a life that does not have MM in it. I need him and he needs me, he has helped me survive so many difficult things that have happened to me that I never again want to deal with life without him by me side (at least some of the time). It has been sheer torture every day of this A, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but yet I do because I love him. Time has never passed so slowly as I wait for his kids to get older in the hopes that then he will leave his W.

You are definately NOT alone in feeling this way, to the contrary you have much company and if you ever need to talk this is the only place anyone will understand how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:25am
To go back to the original question: every so often I fantasize about having more than an A with my MM, but I do not think we would work as well in a marriage. But, the time we spend together is so wonderful, and our feelings for each other get deeper and deeper, so it is probably only a matter of time before one or the other wants more. I have been in this for ten months, and a year ago would never have dreamed that this would be my situation, but I have learned so much that I cannot regret it (yet)!

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