Drawn in...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Drawn in...
2
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 6:39pm

I have been reading many of your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
In reply to: sassyea
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 9:54pm

Hi Sassyea,

I am a MM in an A with a MW for 5 years. I went out and had a little too much to drink tonight, so please feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt, since I am not a person that you should legitimately take advice from. But here's the deal,

The attraction you feel to this man is amazing I am sure. You feel like it is the first time in your life that a man really understands you; the first time a man sees you for who you really are; the first time a man has helped you to feel beautiful. You feel like the attraction is so strong, as to be undeniable. You feel as though you were meant to be together. You feel as though denying you of the chance to be in his arms would be like denying your lunch oxygen, or your heart blood.

As the attraction grows, so does your belief that he is the man you were meant to be with. You imagine the touch of his skin, the softness of his lips, and that the strength of his arms will finally help you to feel safe; to finally feel secure; to finally allow yourself to be the woman you were meant to be. His love will finally help you find your true self. You feel that he may be your soulmate; that one individual amongst many that you were meant to be with. How could you ever let this opportunity go? How could you not at least give it a try and see what you have been denying yourself? How could not allow yourself, even just once to feel his lips, to have him hold you in his arms, to feel what it would be like to make love to him.

I felt all of those things five years ago about my MW AP. There was nothing I could have done to deny it and stop myself. I needed to experience this and allow myself to be with her. We told each other that we didn't want to hurt our families and that we'd keep our hearts out of it. Five years later, not only are we still in it, the challenges of being here are just the same. We are both still M, we struggle to find time together and we each question what's going on. We are locked into the car and riding the roller coster; over and over and over and over...like we are oblivious to the reality of our lives. I'll admit, honestly, that I feel very happy most of the times, but the last five years have been WAY more difficult that any one should have to endure. Intermingled with the happy times there has also be struggle, stress, sadness and shame. A's will do that to you. Regardless of your goals, once the heart gets involved...watch out.

My advice...

Go back to EAS and read the stories of women that have had to deal with the heartache of leaving their AP or their marriage or ending both. Read about the sadness and struggle of breaking up a marriage after an A is discovered. Understand how awful I felt when I had my DDay and then had to tell my son that I was moving out. Read it all and enter the A with open eyes, knowing that you can't avoid the roller coaster and the struggle.

Go back to you H, and tell him that you feel distance in your M. Tell him that you are committed to the success of the M, but you guys need to work on it. Get yourself into MC and figure out what is missing from it for you and what you need to repair it. Do it, first, before getting involved in the A and finding yourself having difficulty getting out. Protect your heart and protect your family and protect yourself. Get in touch with your feeling and understand that so many of us have gone down this path before you.

We will be here to support you no matter which way this heads.

Good luck,

MPV - it might just be the whisky talking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
In reply to: sassyea
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 11:42pm

MPV - ahhh!!!! Whisky.... Crown Royal is my one and only favorite drink...