Dying to consumate an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Dying to consumate an affair
6
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 12:47am
I am a beautiful, fit, mother of two in my mid-thirties with an amazing husband. I love him. He worships me, aside from those early post-partum months there has never been anything wrong with our sex life. He is an extremely handsome man with a great career (which of course means he travels a lot), great dad, and when he is here he is a great help around the house.

A couple of months ago I went out on the town with girlfriends for the first time since I met my husband (14 years ago). I met an unbelievably hot sexy young bartender who literally took my breath away. When he started whispering propositions in my ear my knees went week. I flirted all night and by the end of the night there was an innocent kiss goodnight. then one of my friends told him I was married. He wasn't too happy as he was sure I would be going home with him that night. I couldn't get him out of my mind and ended up tracking him down through the club. He ignored my first two messages on his voice mail, and has done a recent about face. We have been text mailing mostly, but have talked a couple of times. We are trying to coordinate a meeting. We have both made it clear that neither of us want anything more than sex (really hot, sexy, sweaty sex!). I am dying for him (all 29 years of him...yikes). My first impression of him was just that he was totally sexy -- now in talking to him I am learning that he is actually interesting and intelligent too -- part-time law student.

I refuse to believe the propoganda of films like "Unfaitful" and believe that there is a way I can "have my cake and eat it too". I don't want to leave my husband, ever, I would be crazy too. But I am clearly crazy because I can think of nothing other than sex with this incredibly hot young man.

In terms of what my husband would think -- he would leave me already were he to find out what I have done to this point -- I sought out and pursued this man. But I feel now guilt up to this point at all. It doesn't have anything to do with my "marriage" this is only about me.

Is there any one out there who has managed to have both. I think I can juggle it. I want to try. I know it is only sex, but that is the whole point isn't it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 8:48am
Well, if the point for you is sex only, then that is the point of the affair. Before you go into a sex only situation though, I want to caution you, that once you've had a taste of cake, it's hard to not devour the whole thing. I've never been able to just have sex. So if you can, more power to you, but I warn about the possible emotional consequences. There that said...

Be sure to use protection...I don't care how clean the man looks, all you need to bring home to H is an STD.

Alibi, alibi, alibi, I'm an expert at this...but make it air tight.

Make sure however you are communicating with this man is untraceable.

Remember not to get to emotionally involved! And have fun!! I look forward to hearing more from ya!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 10:51am
If you have such a great thing at home why would you even risk it?! It's not worth it. I know you think it can "only be sex" but you have already said yourself that once talking to him he was interesting and intelligent. It's difficult to have your cake and eat it too. My advice, don't do it. You have a good thing at home!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 12:50pm
I agree with Bad Kitty.. I'm in a sexual A right now. and it's been 1 yr now.. I'm married 5 yrs. with a yr. old girl. HE's married 1 yr. The sex gets better and better. We see e/o about once every 2-3 wks, but the anticipation builds to see each other and explodes..LOL One time though, I thought I was falling for him hard, and I told him that I always think of him and it's intervering in my marriage. But we went right back into having sex..lol we couldn't stop!! We are addicted to each other. I love the high I get when I'm going to meet him. It's incrediable. We met at work and used to see each other all the time, but since he got fired, we don't see each other. Which is actually good, since I don't have the feelings of falling for him. Hopefully, I won't feel that way again. The last time we were together, he was telling me that I'm better than his wife and he knows he's better than my husband.

my advice to you is try to control your emotions. and have a good time.. my philosophy is you only live once.. LOL.. I'm having good sex with my mm and I don't want any thing more from him. I don't want to break up his marriage or I don't want to break up my family for him..

welcome to the board and tell us how you make out either way

take care.. chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 1:24pm

hi ontheverge and welcome to the board!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 3:17pm
Thanks for your advice --- I have been spending the last couple of months lying awake at night thinking about him and thinking of potential alibis.... Don't worry I will definately use protection (wouldn't dream of otherwise).
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 3:42pm
Hey ontheverge,



I KNOW two g/f's of mine whom I went to a cruise with that slept with the bartenders. It was all girls vacation. Everybody was hanging out in the bar and having fun. These two girls made sure they had company for the night... LOL This was repeated for a couple of days. And you know what after the brief fling one of them left her husband of so many years and the other did not. So, I guess it really upto you if you want to get with the bartender - but it does have consequences - that you must be forewarned about. Good Luck!

Juliet




Edited 2/26/2004 3:44:34 PM ET by julietsfate