EAP Wants to Visit Me! Confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
EAP Wants to Visit Me! Confused!
12
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 7:35pm

I posted before that I'm in an EA with a friend's STBX. We were trying to keep everything above board until he leaves his SO, so that if we do try

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 3:06pm
If this guy is your friend's STBX - then why is he traveling with her?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 7:35pm

Hi!


This may be easier said than done, but it sure would make for a better "love story" for the two of you if you waited until his X is truly and X.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 10:09pm

I just wanted to add (as I've been thinking about what I wrote)....


The only reason AP and I can't have a love story is the 2 D-Days we've had with his W.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 2:03am

The only reason he would come is to see me. He is not from here and I am his only friend here, so he really has no other reason to be in this city. Also, like I mentioned, he never comes with her here-- ever. But if he comes when she is here, it doesn't raise any red flags. If he were to just come here on his own, she would basically know why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 12:53pm
I'm curious to know - if he's going there with her, going alone would raise red flags, and the only other person he knows out there is you, how are you two planning to meet? How would he possibly be able to get away from her? It's not like he could say he was going to visit an old friend and skip out for the day. You already said he doesn't have any out there! So how would this be a meeting for you two?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 6:02pm
alldonenow,


Good questions!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:39am

I'm sorry - I still don't get it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:23pm

She knows that he wants out, but I think she's hoping that he'll change his mind at some point.


As for the other comment, I don't think it's any more "twisted" or "horrible" for him to want to come somewhere to see me than people who go with their AP's to their AP's house that they share with their SO/W/H... or sneaking away from a family dinner to call AP, or lying to SO/W/H about where one is going to spend time with AP. In a way, at least he wouldn't be lying about anything, where he is or who he is with. She'll be doing her own thing and he'll be doing his own thing and they aren't even planning on staying together.


Could it be

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 12:44pm

I think your defensiveness says a lot.


I get that you two have some kind of connection you wish to explore - fine.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 2:41pm

I don't have a problem with your opinion, but I do think it's fair to say I wasn't asking for judgment on whether it was wrong. I agree it's wrong... everything about A's are wrong by nature. I don't want you to feel like you can't post, but really I was looking for help sorting out my own feelings and not for a judgment on whether it's wrong. It is. I've said that myself and to myself

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