Early days, but this is hard!
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Early days, but this is hard!
| Fri, 10-24-2008 - 9:23am |
I have been with my husband for 17 years, but have been extremely unhappy and unattracted to him for the last 2 years. This past year has seen me attracted to a few different men, so it was only a matter of time I suppose before I went looking for more.
So, a few weeks ago, I met a guy - online of all places. We connected really well, chatting, sharing lots of laughs and swapped photos. After only one week we were

I think your being unhappy in yourself and your M is making you look at this A and AP through rose-colored glasses. From the way you described it, I don't think this guy is really that into you. C'mon, no man will let you drive for an hour then NOT show up if he really cares and have feelings for you. And why you have to be the one to drive over there? Why can't he meet you half way?
Be careful that your not projecting into this man your fantasy of Prince Charming. Otherwise you'll get your self and life all messed up for someone who can't hold up to reality.
May be a good idea to talk to a professional about your discontent issues and try to solve that instead of looking for an outside stimulant as a "band-aid" for what's really your problem. Falling for someone like this MM is probably gonna 'cause you more pain at the cost of your self esteem. Only you hold the key to your happiness.
I am not really too worried what he is feeling, I am more concerned about you. If you think your emotions are on a roller coaster now after only seeing him once, and kissing for a little while. I am terrified what the heavy duty roller coasters that come w/ time are going to do to you.
I mean I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you are getting WAY to worked up over WAY too little. You have shared next to nothing w/ this man, yet you say you were heartbroken when he said that he couldn't continue. But once he said it was on again you were ecstatic. You can't let one person's actions dictate how you feel to that great of an extent. Especially someone you don't know from Adam. I don't care what you talked about for a couple of hours, the average person can not form such strong attachments in such a short period of time. I agree w/ the other poster you should definitely seek counseling. You are not making very good judgement calls. I mean meeting someone you don't know in the middle of the night? He could have been a serial killer, you can't trust people these days. I consider that risky behavior. When I said that your not making good judgement calls I don't mean it as a personal attack, I am just worried that your going to get yourself hurt, or even killed.
I hope that you find whatever it is that you are so desperately looking for. Good Luck.
Moonflower, welcome to the board.
I have to agree with the other responses. You've only seen this guy once and chatted to him for a few weeks. I do know about the feeling of connection though, I was totally hooked on my AP after the first kiss, but having said that, you are letting this guy walk all over you.
My first concern is that you drove for an hour in the middle of the night and your H didn't notice you were gone? Secondly, that this guy let you drive that far. Thirdly, that he 'fell asleep' when he was supposed to go meet you the next time? That's not the action of someone who really is keen to see you. There are very few reasons I would let my AP stand me up without notice. One being D-day, the other involves him and an ambulance.
I'm sorry you think you're so attached to this guy so soon, but I think you are looking through rose coloured glasses, hoping this guy will give you what you are not finding in your M, but from what you've described, he is only going to set you up for a lot more pain than you are already in. Believe me, A's are painful and difficult, especially at the start, as much as they are pleasure and excitement. The A rollercoaster is hard and fast and the lows are very, very low and possibly as bad as you have ever felt. If you haven't been in an A before, think very hard about getting into one, especially with this guy, as I don't think he's really into you.
If you want to go ahead with him, then you need ground rules and you need to make him work a bit too. So far, you've done all the work, he's in full control. He's treated you poorly, made poor excuses and you're ready to go running back. Not that I can't understand that, I can, but you do deserve better.
Pisces
I appreciate your responses, thankyou!
And I know you are all correct. I have had a few issues that brought me to this point in life, and I finished a period of counselling a couple of months ago.
I know I am an idiot for wanting to hang on to this guy, but there must be something there, as there are a couple of other men in my life who I know I could be with, but all I can think about is this one.
To clarify, when we first met, it was in a public place with people around, and I knew it was risky, but it really did feel ok. The night he didn't turn up, he had had a few drinks, that's why he couldn't drive anywhere, and I warned him not to fall asleep before I got there, but he did. I guess he was just feeling very impulsive that night after a few beers!
I feel so stupid for letting all this get to me already, I know it's not healthy, and I know my already fragile self esteem has taken a beating, and will continue to. I swing between telling him to take a hike and grow up, and then being desperate to hear his voice, and be with him.
I just didn't expect to fall for him so hard, especially someone who I know I cannot have completely.