Emotional to Sexual

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Emotional to Sexual
10
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:09pm
I have been in an emotional affair with a single guy (I'm married) for 9 months. We made out about 6 months ago and then he started backing away, never wanted to proceed even though I wanted to. I tried NC for a while but it didn't work. I started e-mailing him again and last weekend he e-mailed back and gave me his cell number. So I called and we got together and had ic. He said he would e-mail me but hasn't. I have not tried to contact him in any way. I just want for once for him to make the first move, but how long should I wait? I think he may be embarassed. He came after about 30 seconds of ic and said sex can't be good with me because he is always "scared". He also said what he doesn't like about me is that guys fall all over me and he's not like that. I said, oh that's nice, you F*** me and then tell me what you don't like about me. I think he felt bad. He said I was poison. Should I e-mail him, maybe saying I know you can't read my mind, so I want you to know I'd like you to contact me? I don't want to be a drama queen, he HATES that. I don't want to get too involved, I want to keep it light and fun. Any ideas or suggestions from anyone who has been there? Thanks, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:28pm
oh cowboy, honey, i'm going to be a little harsh here so forgive me, but i just have to say -- DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!! in any way, shape or form.

listen, he doesn't want to be with you, he thinks you are just fu*king around and by the way, you're married AND he's called you "poison!" PLUS, THE SEX SUCKS!! so what's the attraction here, the challenge or what???

how light and fun is this drama now?! really and truly, back off and let him contact you. you MUST stop chasing him down. yes, you caught him once and the result was pretty bad, wasn't it.

give him some undisturbed space, no emailing or calling his cell. he has to come to his own conclusion about how to proceed with you. you CANNOT MAKE him call you and/or want you!! SO PLEASE LET HIM GO!! AND KEEP YOUR SELF-RESPECT AND DIGNITY. DO NOT CHASE HIM!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:53pm
Hey cowboy,

I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same kinds situation as you. I am usually the one who phones and arranges the meeting with my SG, and I so wish it was him phoning me. But that is why we are in these A's anyway, just cause we want more attention.

I agree with gurl, that we need to let these guys chase us down, we are not the single desperate ones, they are. That being said, I have a hard time obeying these "rules" as well. I text, IM, call, page...whatever just to talk to him. It's all good when we do chat, but sometime I wish it was him calling me again. However kinda hard cause he never knows when H is home.

So try to hold on there, and like gurl said, the sex wasn't that good so don't go out of your way to be with him. It will be my first sexual encouter tommorrow after about 6mths of IM'ing, sexy phone calls, and kissing...so I'll let you know how I am doing tommorrow night.

happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:56pm
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Edited 11/19/2003 3:08:58 PM ET by caremc


Edited 11/19/2003 3:10:42 PM ET by caremc
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 3:01pm
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Edited 11/19/2003 3:10:18 PM ET by caremc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 3:11pm
what's going on? are you trying to post caremc??

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 3:20pm
Thanks gurl and happy. I just don't know how I can do this...not talk to him after being intimate after months of the emotional stuff...could you guys do that? He did say "this can not happen again, you are married and I don't want to be a home wrecker" I said it was okay, I wanted excitement and got it. He said he can't perform in my house, or a hotel, or whatever because he is so afraid of my H. He said he would e-mail me the next day but I knew he wouldn't. I've heard that before. I saw him on a busy road the next day. He was turning into a parking lot, but then turned around and got back on the road. He followed far behind for about 6 miles until I turned off. He never tried to get real close. Maybe I'm overthinking, but it was like he wasn't sure if he wanted to catch me or not, but he did turn around when he saw me. He said he has always liked me and I said "this never would have happened if I hadn't done the pursuing". I just don't get guys. This was my first after a LONG faithful marriage. I'm not sure if I want it to happen with him again or not, but not even talk, how would I do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 3:54pm
Well cowboy, I think that he doesn't want to be involved. I know its weird and hurtful to think that a guy could get no stings attached sex but doesn't want it...I've been there with the SG that I am with.

But really try to think about what you've gained. You gained the experience with him and the knowledge on how to be stronger. You know I am terrified of this happening to me tommorrow (look under embarassing sex questions), I am so afraid that I am going to have sex with him (only the second guy in my whole life, my H of course is the one and only so far), and that he is not going to call or ever want to see me again. This is something I am trying to be prepared for, but I am willing to risk it just for the chance to f**k him, hehehe.

I am even planning on asking him and telling him that it is ok if his answer is that he will never call, talk, or see me again, I just want to know going in.

Hope all works out....remember we are married and there is someone in this world that loves us and wants sex with us with all the stings attached!

Happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 4:14pm
cowboy, i think the talking part was exciting for OM too, but the actual "action" was too much for him, so to speak. and now he's running scared and doesn't really want to pursue you. but that's now. most guys will keep coming back for the action and the excitement once they get over the scardy-cat blues!

please just don't pursue him at this time. let him get back to you in his own sweet time.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 9:26am
Thanks again happy and gurl. I haven't seen him on line once this whole week, he may be out of town. At this point I have no plans to contact him. It has only been once or twice in almost a year that he contacted me first, so I doubt he will. And he did tell me it can't happen again, so really he will think what's the point anyway. Happy, your situation is DITTO to mine. Be careful. If you and H are any bit close, he will notice something. This definately is not as exciting as I thought it would be and I am having regrets. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 11:03am
cowboy, your om doesn't want to be in an EMA with you. He might send mixed signals but I don't think he is going to cross that line ever again. BTW, from your post doesn't even look like you both even want in an EMA - sex is lousy, he is a scared, he doesn't want be a home wrecker, you don't want to be in a ema etc etc. I think if you go on a date/cruise with H and rediscover each other you will be allright. Why do you want to throw away a perfectly good marraige for this man? Its not easy out here - its a big time rollercoaster.....