The "Emotional" vs. Sexual affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
The "Emotional" vs. Sexual affair
4
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 11:42pm
I guess the more reading I do here, the more I realize the differenc between these two. For the past 4 years I was thinking that I was doing no harm by continuing this flirtatious tone with a co-worker (especially since he is on the other coast).

I think I am finding now that it may, in fact, be almost worse than having a physical, sexual affair. What is it exactly? Is it the idea or notion of sex that never happens, that plays on your mind day in and out? I am busting out -- wanting to get it off my chest and just tell him how attracted to him I am, and how I wonder if he feels the same way? And what we are going to do about it?

Damn, I kinda wish he had IM because it would be easier to brave with my words (LOL). He can't really ignore an IM, but he can ignore an email (ugh, horrors!)

I am interested to know, from those who's As started off on the emotional level, how long they stayed there until they went physical (when and if they did).

Thanks for listening -

R

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 2:38am
I was friends with my OM for 6 years before our relationship became physical. I suppose I started becoming attracted to him about 3 years ago, back when he was married. It was a bit of a strange situation because I was also friends with this wife, and our daughters were best friends. I used to see him daily on the school runs, and about 3 years ago, I discovered he had had an affair, as had his wife. Whether this caused the change in my feelings, or what I don't know, but from then on I started seeing him in a different light. Throughout his divorce 2 years ago, and for the next year or so, we used to flirt terribly, but nothing ever happened between us. I lost contact with him for a while when he moved, but we met up again about 3 months ago, at which point I think we both knew it was only a matter of time before our relationship became physical. A few weeks ago we took that step, and haven't looked back ever since. When I saw him daily, and when I lost contact with him, I couldn't get him out of my head. I wanted him so much, but was scared to say anything. I tortured myself with feelings of guilt about what I felt about him, compared with how I felt about my husband. Yet once I knew he felt the same, and our relationship turned physical, I felt no guilt about what I was doing. Not sure what this says about me and my morals, but it feels so right and I am so happy now I don't care.

Our relationship is strengthened by the fact that we were friends for so long - the complete level of trust is already there and we know what the other is feeling. I don't know how long it will last, but whilst it does it is a wonderful thing, and I can see it going on for a very long time.

Follow your heart - I wish I had been brave enough to say something to him 3 years ago, think of all that time I have wasted.

Vamp

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:41am
Mine started approx 3years ago, strictly business, for he is

a client of mine, we had never met, only e-mailed business

and business phone calls.


Then he came into my office one day, well, that is all it took

on both of our parts. I instantly fell in love, or it sure

felt like it. The passion we both had with just that first look

was incredible.

Since then, we have not yet went all the way, only petting.

We are both M, and have never strayed, me 18years, he 10years.

I guess we feel a little guilty, but cannot stop our passion

for each other. The emotional commitment is, at least with me,

more stressful than the physical. I am totatly consumed with

him nite and day. He is in my thoughts always. I canot shake it.

I have tried, but no good. I do play it cool with e-mails, not

to bother him much. I guess, I am thinking if I e-mail too

often, I will receive a bad reply, like " don't bother me today

or such".

So I keep it cool. Be cool, and confident, and I constantly tell

myself if it is meant to be, it will be.

Hope I have helped you,

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:05pm
I am in a mostly emotional EMA although we have kissed. I am not really sure what his reasons are but for me it is b/c I lack somehitng emotionally in my M. I agree it can be worse than a true physical A b/c you always imagine what it would be like. You tend to play it up in your mind. It is those fantasies that get me through the rough day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 9:09am
I met mine at work. Had a friend and close emotional relationship for about three months before anything got physical. Once we crossed that line, it progressed fast - hit us like a ton of bricks. All the feelings that I had been thinking came out and I found he felt the same way. Been blissfully wonderful since...going on 7-8 months now and hoping for years and years more...