in emotionally turmoiled situations how

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
in emotionally turmoiled situations how
5
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 5:31am
Much honesty do ap really give one another about how much they either care or miss one another. Is it just a front to make you feel good, so you never question. You could say one thing writing it down, but in person it is harder to say. How much do you trust the words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 9:11am

I completely trust everything my AP tells me. We are both M. We are honest with one another. That is a pact we made since we cannot be honest with anyone else about our dealings we would always be honest with each other.


Ap loves me, and I love AP. We had a D-Day this winter, his W found out. DD caught us in the act. I thought it was over, as did he (promises he made to his W). Approx 3 days later, it was back on full force. I think we both know the other is not going anywhere, in marriage or in our A.


I do trust his words. I believe in him and what he tells me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:26am

Well... my xAP used to tell me he missed and loved me every day; both in person and when we weren't together. I believed him.

For me, however... sometimes I just said the words to get him off my back. During the last couple of years he had done a lot of things that p*ssed me off (took his W on a fancy vacation to Asia, never tacked on weekend time to his business trips when he was in my city, etc) that I stopped believing the words and instead I looked for actions that proved he loved me. I didn't find much of anything so I didn't feel like saying the words back anymore... but if I didn't he would freak and start pouting so I just said them to appease him. KWIM? It's so complicated. lol.

good luck :)

trixie

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 12:10pm
it's just a little something i wonder if we all think about, especially if the situation is life altering or life threatening. i can't say to much more then this, tmi. it was something my AP said to me, because of what happened to me that could have been life altering. he was freaked out. there's not much he can do except to be there emotionally. i know i should i should know wether it's very sincere, or fear, or what ever. maybe he's realizing how fragile life can be afterwards.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:25pm

I get it. Everyone is different on the whole 'expressing emotions' thing. My xAP was extremely expressive, my XH was the opposite and hardly ever told me he loved me (maybe once or twice a year at most). I think it depends on what kind of family they grew up with.

If he's not expressive verbally I would look at his actions: does he make time for you to see each other regularly, even if sometimes it's not convenient for his schedule? Does he contact you on a regular basis to see how you're doing and to talk (not just when he wants sex)? Has he ever brought you on an extended getaway (if possible)? some of the things that would indicate that you are a priority in his life and more than just FWB.

trixie :)



Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:11pm
thanks for your response. yes he does make time to see each other as regularly as possible without forming a pattern, which we always try to prevent. i would rather be safe. he's the one to always ask to see me. our contact is about 60 to 40 %. he contacts 60%, i contact 40%. when we do, it's not a quick hello. we spend time either on the computer or phone, and really talk. no get aways, it's not possible for either of us. i know i'm not a priority, and honestly i shouldn't be. his wife and children should be as i am and accept this a third party intruder.