Emotional...soon to become Physical...
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| Fri, 01-01-2010 - 8:03pm |
Okay, I'm new here, so this is going to be my introductory post/my story. I'm going crazy right now and haven't talked to ANYONE about this and just need to get it off my chest.
First things first, I'm married, 27 y/o, and have a y/0 little boy. AP is living with his GF, whom he has one child with, and two children from his 1st marriage. Hubby & I have been together for 8 yrs now. I've been contemplating leaving him for years now because of physical and emotional abuse (I know it's the right thing to do...but it's just so hard, especially when children are involved and I have been a SAHM for 3 yrs and have no money, etc.). AP says he is happy with his GF but they have no sex life. Neither do I.
AP and I have been friends for going on 6 years now. Old coworkers. Have had this instant connection since the day we met. When we worked together (3 1/2 yrs ago) we would go out once or twice a week with other coworkers for drinks. A few times, just by ourselves, just as friends. One night, after way too much to drink and not too long after separating from his wife, we stayed out all night together and pretty much made out in my car and he was trying to convince me into going home with him. I managed to control my urges and went back to my house instead. That was the last time we hung out.
Fast forward 3 yrs...I am a mom, and a SAHM at that. I have no life, I go nowhere, have no "real" friends, and have an abusive husband. AP & I have kept in touch through email and Facebook, etc. He recently just came back from deployment in September. His GF has been depressed ever since he came home. About a month ago, we starting talking. Like every day while he's at work. We would talk to each other about what was driving us crazy about our significant others, etc. Then we started talking about "hooking up" just as friends, to give each other what we're missing with our current partners. We've now graduated into sexting and have exchanged nude photos etc, and he just informed me that next weekend his GF will be out of town for 3 days and he will be kid free....
I'm excited, scared, and going crazy thinking of the possibility. We've been friends for so long...I am so scared that I am going to get extremely attached to him. I already am somewhat. I look forward to talking to him every day. When my phone rings or alerts me to a new message, my face lights up and I get all giddy hoping it's him. I find myself getting annoyed when my husband calls or texts me because I was hoping it would have been AP. He is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed...not to mention the tens of thousands of other times I think about him during the day.
What am I doing??? I've never done anything like this before...it's so scary yet so exciting at the same time! I'm just really nervous thinking about next weekend and what it could bring. Should I meet up with him? How do I keep myself from becoming more attached than I already am? What if decided to meet up with him & then chicken out when I get there?
I just have a million thoughts running through my mind right now and was so excited to find a place like this where I can vent! If you've made it this far, thanks for listening!

