Is this the end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Is this the end?
11
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 7:30am
Edited 5/5/2004 5:44 am ET ET by neurotica2004


Edited 5/5/2004 5:45 am ET ET by neurotica2004

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anonymous user
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:56am
neurotica

It sounds like the ol' "Its not you its me" routine. Has he felt guilty before? Has he done this before? I forget your story. I would give him some distance, it is really hard to do, but if he is a busy guy then a few days of NC from you might make his heart grow fonder. He has feeling for you and you're obviously important but he may be being torn for some reason all of a sudden. Let him have some time as hard as that will be on you, i think you will find it will all work out.

good luck, I'm thinking of you

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:30am
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Edited 10/1/2004 7:02 pm ET ET by sally289
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 4:18pm
hi n -- sorry to be the third voice of doom here, but your MM is definitely wanting space and distance and all-out "stick a fork in me, i'm done" time. he doesn't want to come right out and say it because he "adores you" but that's where this is going. so give him plenty of time and space. stay extremely busy and away from the phone, and the computer (but not this board!). do stuff for you, whatever entertains you and takes your mind off him.

give it some time -- and if MM doesn't come back around, calling and saying i miss you, i need you, i adore you (and most of them do, eventually!) then you can move on knowing that you kept your self-respect and dignity in this whole A.

good luck honey and keep moving forward, always!

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 4:21pm
Hi Neurotica, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, maybe things will get better with MM. I'm not holding out much hope for my own situation however. Although we have gone 3 or more weeks before without talking. So maybe I will hear from MM again, I just don't know.

I'm feeling down too, please don't start crying or I will too!! Take care honey,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:16pm

Oh my goodness. I'm in the same situation.


My MM told me he was unsure of us. I stayed and we talked but when I tried to leave. He asked me not too. Then he says he was "just thinking" about it. Either way he said it. I left uncertain of anything. We hugged and parted well, but still. I have no idea what's next. Or maybe I do, but I'm afraid to admit it, :(.


That was Sunday. Have not heard from him since. I'm so tempted to email him, but I know better. I'm just going to wait on him.


Is it really over??! Half of me says it is, but the other half says it isn't..


My eyes are clouded too, :).

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 5:42pm
Hi N! To be honest, I am not sure what MM is trying to tell you, and I would venture to guess that he isn't even sure himself! lol Anyway, I think the advice you have been given about letting him have his space is good advice. Try (although it will be VERY hard) not to call/e-mail him. Let him come to you when and if he is ready. It sounds like he has a lot going on in his life right now, and probably a lot on his mind. Maybe when he sorts through it all, he will be ready to come back to you. Let us know how things turn out!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:09pm
Oh, I had to reply to you even though I don't post often, your's struck me I think, and the responses/advice given. Many seemed to say that it sounds as if you are getting the "it's not you it's me" line.

It almost sounds as if he is testing, to see if you are willing to continue with less than the current time/attention that he has been giving you. I.e., are you able to accept his rules/needs/time. Or trying to see if he slowly backs off, you will end it instead of him having to do so. You mention you've noticed things have been different for a while...

However, apparently, (as much as I hate to admit it) , I must be a romantic, because I briefly thought, it sounds as if he cares for you and is saddened that he is unable to devote as much time to you as he would like, and is therefore dealing with the conflicting feelings he is experiencing...and of course that would make for a more happy scenario... A while back, online, conversations with my MM started increasing quickly and becoming so much more intense. And then fairly suddenly, I heard similar comments. He really backed off, basically initiating alot of generic conversation - for him a life changing event was about to occur. So I backed off, and slowly but surely, things have resumed to their previous state. I doubt I will ever hear him say he feels guilty for cheating, it is transformed into I feel horrible for expecting you to conform to my life..and this goes through spells..

Of course, I am still fairly naive and very new to all of this... But didn't we probably enter our Rs with MM through our gut feelings? I suppose we should continue to be very aware of our intuitiveness and guts, especially when they are nagging us. I agree with those suggesting to wait and let him contact you, even though it is so very difficult...thinking of you

hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:08am
I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and your words of support. Which ever way you look at it or interpret it, I have no choice other than to back off and see what happens. I am going through many mixed emotions at the moment - sadness, anger, maybe some bitterness (although I hate to admit it). At the end of the day, you can't make someone care for you if they don't, you can't make yourself special to them if you are not. I feel so destroyed that all I was to him, was some kind of "play thing" - that's how it feels right now. But perhaps I am culpable too, in letting myself be that and in clouding my own judgement with my love for him. This man has been in my life for 3 years, perhaps I can be excused for believing I was special.

Stay strong everyone (especially you, Dusty - my "no tears" buddy. Have to admit, D, have not been doing too well these last few days.) I am trying every minute of every day.

n

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:44am
Hi Neurotica, just wanted to see how you're doing today. Me, not so good. I feel terrible, had argument with H last night not about MM, H knows nothing about that, but we have issues. I'm so mixed up in my head. Upset about MM, upset about H. I am making an appointment with a counsellor. I need some help to deal with things. Most of the time I sit here, trying to feel happy but inside feel like I could just start crying at any moment. Its not a good thing!! I think maybe its a little bit of depression.

I hope you're okay. Lets try to hang in there until something good happens to us. Hopefully, our MM will come to their senses and come back to us soon. And what you said about you can't make someone care for you and think you're special, I think that they DO care for us and think we're special. I can't believe after a couple of years they have no feelings whatsoever for us. But they feel guilty about those feelings. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:19am
Hello there D

Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. Really I do. I feel exactly the same way. I feel totally mixed up inside, feel like I could cry at any moment. I feel so fragile. So I am right there with you - and am sending you a huge, huge HUG. I am really trying to keep occupied. I have been trying to work hard all day and when there is a little moment to breathe, I have been trying to sort out domestic bits and pieces - even little mindless things. Anything just to keep my head straight. I have to, because otherwise I am reminded of what has taken place and I just feel sick inside. I keep thinking "is that it? Is that all that happens after 3 years? I just get a it's-not-you-it's-me ?" .. and it makes me feel like I was worth nothing to him, meant nothing. I wish I had a million words of wisdom, I really do. But I don't. All I can say is that I am here for you. I am not your MM, but I will try to be strong for you!

x

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