End it now to save it for later?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
End it now to save it for later?
16
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 10:49am

Just a question I am in AP 4 years now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 5:39pm
can i ask how long you have been in your affair. i know lda has got to be tough to see one another and expensive. even a non lda, my ap and i may see one another every 3 weeks at the most. i'm ok with that and except it. i am like your AP when it comes to the guilt factor, i feel none, my AP is like yourself where he does feel guilt. he manages to put our affair in a small part of his brain and separates the 2 relationships. at one time he felt enough guilt where we cooled the affair for 2 weeks, then prior to that for 3 weeks. it's tough all the way around. what ever you choose, i hope somehow you can find some peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 5:44pm
one more thought that may help, my ap and i go dutch on everything. i wouldn't expect him to pay for all of everything. we had lunch yest, i payed for half of it, 2 weeks ago we had lunch again, i payed for and that time left the tip. with the cars sometimes i drive, yest he drove. it's a give and take. it helps out a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 6:40pm

We do split things most of the time. She has been pressing me for March and April and its tough right now. We just had a big blowout and she just won't accept taking a break. She is accepting it but takes it as I dont love her. Thats not it. The problem is I have a decent M at home and hers is miserable. She relies on me for emotional, physical, and mental support. She hates her H. My W and I get along but not perfect. I can't help she married an a**. Think we're going LC any advice?


Adm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 7:46pm

Getting back to the original post... :-)

I think you need to make decisions for yourself right now. If you are unhappy the way things stand, then taking a step back may offer some clarity and a fresh start. And, who knows? Maybe in your absence she will realize she wants to be with you... or not. Either way, staying when you're unhappy is bad for you, pressuring her into a decision she isn't ready to make is bad for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 8:07pm
honestly i don't know if i have any advice. a lda affair must be very hard for her. it seems that you guys are in this affair for different reasons and don't seem to be looking for the same things. you say your AP relies on you for emotional, physical, and mental support, you don't sem to need that. what do you want out of this affair then. you guys don't seem to be connecting. i guess i could say i'm lucky in the sense my AP and i are on the same page. i email him, he responds, we'll have an email chat, then sometimes talk on the phone for 50 minutes, about 2 to 3 times a week. he will email me and i will respond. very rarely does he not want to talk, except for the other night. it was a bad night. it has only happened one other time. once in a while he will get a bit moody. what i'm saying is we are on the same page, we enjoy each others conversations, and physically. we want the same things. i admit i would like to see him more, but i'm realistic about how much he can give and i'm accepting of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 12:45pm
Well just a followup.

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