Ended up with 2 AP at once
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| Fri, 08-20-2010 - 12:00am |
I never thought I would have an affair never mind have 2 at the same time. But need some insight from both men and women who might know what I am going through.I know it is unhealthy for me to have feelings for both men.
MM#1 I started seeing right after I filed for my divorce his is a great guy but as always he is married right now. Yes says he plans on leaving her. So I am trying not too fall in love with him. There are strong feelings for him. He went MIA for about 2 months so i figured I had been played. Well I got an email from him a few weeks ago saying he was sorry for not explaining what was going on. He had gone from agreeing that we would be friends with benefits to wanting to be with me full time. Well long story short he is sleeping on the couch while building his nest egg up again so he can leave with something. Told me he did not want to promise me anything he could not do. We do work together during parts of the year which is good in some ways not in others. We do not talk every day because she is home with him and only see each other once every two weeks where things need to line up for both of us. Trying not to be seen by people we know or work with is not always easy.
MM#2 started while MM#1 was MIA an old friend, Which my children know him so he can stop by when they are home, he spends a few nights a month with me. But I know he will not leave his wife for me. So while it is nice to wake up in his arms I sometimes end up sad when he leaves because I know I will never wake up there daily. Unless his wife ever found out about me. He knows my past and how I am now. Understands what I have been through, I get the sweet texts or calls saying he missed me, he thinks that I do not understand just how much I mean to him, that I am his dream come true. He has feelings for me for 20 years which I knew about but the timing was never right for us. But I also know that he what he is not.
Here is the thing they do not know about each other. MM#2 has said that he understands and hopes that I find a man who will love and treat me and the kids the way we should be.But would be painful to ever have to let our relationship go.
MM#1 I do not think would be so understanding. Because I brought up talking to MM#2 to him and a few things that where brought up about him in my divorce about our friendship. I could see the green monster in his eyes so I left it alone. Where it has only been a few weeks and he still needs to prove to me he will not flake out and hide again on me.He said when we first started that he would only sleep with me no one else if he was going to be with me it would just be me...
My best friend the only one who knows about both men says it is because I feel safe with both men but I also feel safe in a way that I know there not real relationships both men are cheating on there wives even though both men say there not having sex with them they still married. I think he has a point which I have seen 2 men only after my divorce and both have been married.
I do not feel guilty about having an affair with them but when I am with MM#1 I feel guilt about MM#2 but not the other way around.
Any body ever been in my shoes? Or have any ideas of what I could do?

I have 2 AP right now; for a year or so I had 3 (one was LD but he dropped out last spring). None of them know about the others. For me it's about the attention. None of them would I want a real R with, they are cheaters after all and R is not what this is about. Somebody said it's like having a backup and I had not thought of it that way but I think that's part of it. Like she said A's have limited shelf life. AP's fizzle for all kinds of reasons including DDays, guilt, find somebody else, etc etc. I enjoy the attention and the diversion and would not want to be without any AP at all. Plus when I get annoyed with one like I did the LD, I can ease them away and still have somebody else for my fun. My bff, the only one who knows, says it's like juggling knives and I like living on the edge and I guess that's true, lol
-jana
well I am so glad I am not the only one. I was embarrased to admit that I had 2 AP's also but now I feel better...
I love the thought of a back up, never thought of it that way but it is just what I am doing. I feel so much better knowing I am not the only woman going through having 2 MM in there lives.
I am having sex with both men where MM#2 can stop by when my children are home and spends the night with me makes it easier and more often then MM#1. While I would rather MM#1 when it comes down to it.
What bothers me most is MM#1 will say things like I want to see you but just for lunch no sex, You are very special to me, I missed you so much, your an amazing woman I did not know god ever made women like you, after things are settled we should be together (an out in the open relationship). Then not call for a week which actions speak louder then words to me. I do not understand that when I have been open with him that if we only do booty calls I am fine with that. I have needs and he more then can meet everyone one of them when it comes to the bedroom. Outside the bedroom is where his short falls are.
With MM#2 I hear from him at least 3 times a week text or call. Asks how I am doing if the kids and I are ok, helps me do things around the house that I can not do on my own, works on my car. My handy man with benefits lol He can give me a more of normal relationship feeling of being there for me where his wife goes out of state a lot for work. If I need a rock he would do anything to be there for me. Says he will always take care for me no matter if I find another man and start a life with them. No he does not give me money or buy me things. More emotionally take care of me I think.
I have a new found freedom after a very long abusive marriage, Yes I do not like having only relationships I have to hide. But also there is someone a family member is trying to set me up with. So I am left with a question the answer is clear as day to see but harder to face.
I know I have every right to start dating a single man who I can have a real relationship with but will I be willing to give up what I have with both MM? Can I be in a faithful relationship after this?