Ended the affair
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| Mon, 09-01-2008 - 9:28am |
I should briefly tell you about my situation at first I guess. I am very much ashamed of what I have done. About two years ago, I met a man online, whom I got along with famously. I quickly fell in love with him, although I am married. My husband was not home a lot at the time, and I felt self conscious, ugly, and undesirable. This man made me feel like I was queen of the world.
For the longest time during this past two years, I pondered and was confused as to whether or not I should be with this man. I came close to walking out, but I wasn't sure if the man at the other side of the PC actually truly loved me. About four months ago, after a huge argument, he walked away from me.
I missed our conversations, so approximately three weeks ago I sent him an email, stating the hopes we could be friends. At this time, I had made the decision for myself that I would not engage in a relationship anymore, as I wanted to make my marriage with my husband work. This is where things got ugly. He found out I truly didn't want to be in the affair anymore, and became more and more angry.
This weekend the whole thing escalated. He phoned my house repeatedly, and I ended up having no alternative but to go to my husband, and talk to him about what was going on. I cried, sat down, and explained to my husband that I had fallen in love. I expected to be kicked out of the house. That didn't happen. He told me he loved me, that he knew something had not been right for ages, and that he was glad he finally knew what was wrong. He held me, and told me we'd work on this together.
Only now obviously, I truly understand what an idiot I had been all this time. Even though he never promised me rainbows, even though he has his life and is busy, even though sometimes we don't have the opportunity to talk, he still loves me, even when I am at my ugliest. I feel extremely guilty towards my husband, and I need to make it right. I
The only issue is, now that I have come clean with my husband, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to restore my relationship, there's the other guy. He is PISSED OFF ! With good reason of course, I wronged him as well, and I am not making excuses for that. However, even though he knows my husband now knows of the situation, he keeps calling our house. It came to a point where we had to unplug the phone. I have blocked all email addresses of this man on both my own and my husbands account, and I do not want this drama to continue any longer.
I know that somehow I should apologize to this man, but seeing he is so pissed off anyway that he keeps calling my house, I don't think I can reason with him. So my question is, what is best ? To keep my phone unplugged and ignore any attempt from his end to contact me ? It is obviously the best for my current relationship and my husband has requested of me NOT EVER to speak to him again. How do I get this man to stop calling me and causing us grief now ? I want him to understand this is permanently over with asap, so he can move on his with life, and we can move on with ours.

Not too sure if I haven't done anything wrong. It seems to me like I did a whole bunch of stuff wrong. I had no business falling in love while I was married and I should've walked away from this man the instant I started falling in love with him. Obviously, there's no use in crying over spilt milk now, it has happened, and I don't feel like it's right for me to ignore the fact that I did something seriously wrong. I need to learn from what happened - so I do not make the same mistake ever again.
I'm just so scared that the other man will just not give up contacting us, and that in the end, this will make my husband so angry that he decides to leave me after all. My decision in this matter is final, I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure my marriage works. But I'm not gonna pretend this didn't happen either. I never intended on people getting hurt, I feel like such a screw up.
I really, really, really hope this will all go away now. I didn't realise it, but I HAVE true love. And it is waiting for me day in day out when I get home. I was so upset when I told my husband. He drew me a bath, he tried to calm me down, he took me and made me look in the mirror at myself, and asked me if I could not see how beautiful I am ... My husband is every woman's dream, and I messed up so badly, and I'm so scared I'll lose him now.
To all others out there, who are in this situation, where they want to end the
" I'm just so scared that the other man will just not give up contacting us, and that in the end, this will make my husband so angry that he decides to leave me after all. "
Its quite possible,dear.If a man repeatedly calls ones wife, the H will after a while get angry and D.That could work well IF you were looking for a way out from your M but you arent.IF this happens, will your exAP stick around? will you want to be with him?
Change your home no.
Would I want to be with him if my husband decides to divorce after all ? NO ! Plain and simply. I made a huge mistake falling in love with this man. Although I can understand he is upset, and I am not trying to make excuses for the mistakes I made, I do NOT want to be with that man anymore. I made that choice earlier on. I'd have offered to be his friend. Nothing more, nothing less. But after his repeated phonecalls and harrassing, I do not want to be his friend anymore. He has no interest in my well being. He is trying to destroy the life I have because I made a decision NOT to be with him. Again, I wronged this guy. I did, I know this. But how would I ever be able to be friends, or lovers even, with someone who wants to hurt me ?
Whatever happens, the affair, friendship, and having this man anywhere NEAR my life is over. Regardless of the outcome. I want to salvage MY marriage and show my husband that I am dedicated to HIM, and HIM alone. The other man is history. For good ...
Changing phone nos might be a good idea. For now I'm keeping my phone unplugged. For months if I have to.
I agree with Cookie, contact your phone company, harrassment by communication is against the law, there are steps you can take, change your number for one, it shouldn't cost anything depending on the phone companies policies.
Thanks for all the excellent advice from everyone. I'll discuss some of these suggestions with my husband tonight.
To hisgreeneyes1 : Good luck to you with working things out as well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, and hope you'll find happiness and peace of mind again.