Ever feel the agony of guilt???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Ever feel the agony of guilt???
1
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 5:48pm
Hi,

Been awhile since I last posted. But the guilt that I feel right now is killing me.

And its not the guilt of having the affair that has me all twisted in knots.

My MM's wife was diagnosed exactly a year ago with a very rare form of breast cancer. I think by the way MM talked he thought that she was not even going to live through the treatment. During that time I prayed for her survival, (honestly) I wasnt ready to live my H and family just yet. She had her last treatments in September. The Docs give her a 15%chance of survival in the next 5 years. It has been a year that has tested our relationship on many levels. I basically faded into the background knowing that she needed him at this time of her life and that he needed to focus on her well being.

Now we are back to realizing that we do mean something to each other, and that our relationship can survive.

But here lies the horrible guilt, I am also mad that she did come out of this, for the fact that it would be unspeakable for him to leave her when she is still vunerable for the next 5 years. Not to mention the unsurmountable financial responsibility to her now.

Before she got sick we had Summer 2004 on both our calenders as to when we would both leave our lives as we know them and be together. I know the guilt comes from not being truthful to my self about what all this meant, any suggestions on how to cope with this guilt. Thanks for letting me vent OTGC

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 6:06pm
Boy, On the gochick~

That is a hard thing to be dealing with and your right, there is no easy answer. I can only offer you some support and let you know to come here and vent about it. Who knows what will happen, I can understand your guilt and agony over the whole situation. Maybe things will work out for the best and we don't have any control over them. Enjoy just being the OM in his life and being his friend as he deals with this. I'm sure his amount of guilt is huge. Just love him and know he loves you. Times like these make it really hard to face ourselves but your not wrong for loving him.

Wishing~