Is every type relationship impossible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Is every type relationship impossible?
13
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 7:47pm

I dunno - it just seems to me that with voicemail, e-mail, text and IM -- how does anyone trust anyone in any kind of relationship at al these days?


I mean I have never really been a very trusting person but come on?!! I don't care if you are two marrieds, one M and one S or two single....between computers and cellphones any kind of relationship - right, wrong or otherwise is pathetic and twisted. Today's instant gratification requirements put the standards of just trying to be content in a realtionship for any length of time to new stresses.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 8:55pm




There is no right answer. I am mid 40's and have actually been celebate for many years.


I have not had s** with anyone other than my battery operated luv for over 10


years, excluding phone s** with xAP.


I personally have chosen the path of celebacy because for me, s** is an emotional


connection. I know that. I can't have s** just to the sake of having s**. Do I need


it? You bet, but that does not mean

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 10:52pm
You're looking for the answers in all the WRONG places!!! Happiness is NOT an outside ENTITY. It is within. Once you learn to be happy in your own skin only then will you stop selling yourself (general you) cheap, quit chasing those "feel goods" that you think these men can give you. Only then can you find someone who may be trustworthy enough that would give you the respect you create as a new standard for yourself.... Get to know men very well first before sleeping with them.


Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 12:23am
Well, they say there is someone for everyone...it just takes some people longer to find that someone. It's not always going to be a fairy tale meeting and sometimes you have to go through a lot of crap to find that special person. Don't get discouraged and I commend you for committing to doing it the "right" way next time. You are right, it's not fair to stay in an unhappy marriage to either person involved and getting into an affair is a temporary fix or in some cases, like mine, turns into LONGTERM drama.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 2:20am
I




I look back at how I met the guys I have been involved with, and the LTR I have had, living


with someone, I met through friends and work. I am not a bar fly, I rarely drink and I tend to


meet people at kid oriented functions with my children, hobby's or clubs and work. I do meet


a lot of folks through work connections as the industry I work in is widespread and very


well established.


xAP was from work. I find that someone I am intellectually attracted to is the beginning of the


end for me. Most folks in my industry are well educated in professional careers. I am very


particular I will not spend time with folks who are known bar flies, although an occassional


get together is fine, a bar is not a place I would expect to find a quality life prospect. I


believe it is the quality of the folks you choose to associate with will increase your chances


of meeting a "fine, upstanding individual".


To me that means no druggies, alchies or gamblers. At least at kid events and hobbys


or clubs, tend to get a pretty good idea of what someone is like before jumping head


first in the pool of love. :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 6:19am

You know you are So where I am and have been for a long time. Maybe I am not the one to give advice in this area, but I feel like self love is as unattainable as honest love from another.

All my life I had have to fight. Fight to stay safe, and sane. I am tired of fighting. I just want to go to bed, and never wake up. This last round w/ AP has done me in. I can't take anymore.

ONE TIME in my life, I open my heart to someone, and fully give, and I get whored. Not me, not again. NEVER again.

I know that suicide is not the answer, but I am steady running out of things to try. I am weary. I just want a little shelter from the storm. Just for a little while.




Edited 12/26/2008 6:36 am ET by justice318
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 8:54am

I hear ya! I don't need anymore distractions for awhile. And men and the problems they have caused for me in my life are not worth it right now. I look at it very simply. My foundation was not solid. There had not been enough work done on me..otherwise I would have been able to weather those storms. Everyone is looking for a quick fix..people have little time to invest in one another and they give up too fast.

I think the best course of action for me at this point in my life is to let go of men for awhile and work on me. When I look back most I got too engaged in their lives and I didn't pay enough attention to myself. I think the universe is trying to tell me something now. Men need a lot of attention and when they don't get their needs met they look elsewhere..more so than women. And with the online dating and all the porn sites and all the available ways to connect..it's become much easier for men to find something or someone. I'm on a dating site right now and I don't like it. It's just icky. Why would men want to give that up when on a daily basis they are being fed new choices? A candy store for them..I'm thinking..How will I ever trust a man on here? When he can pick and choose at any time? Yet, I can do the same thing.

When you get older you just want to spend time with people who care about you and who matter. It becomes much harder to trust other people if you've had a lifetime of bad experiences. Suicide is not the answer!!! Loving yourself is...

It's hard because people come into our lives that we are attracted to no matter what the circumstances are. It's trying to steer clear of emotions and situations that we know will cause us pain that is hard. No one is perfect..we all need support and help.

I don't want to say goodbye to my AP..but I know I must in order to move on and find peace. I'll never get it with him.

I'm struggling..big time right now. I just can't give up hope that things will never work out for me. And no one else should, either.

Peace & Love

Logan

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 10:15am

HI all...


I hear you guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 1:31pm

Hey Justice, just trying to reach out to you.

I get very nervous when people mention the "S" word; the ultimate solution for a short term problem. And it IS short term. You are strong and you will get over/through this.

I'm sure it doesn't help that you are under more than the usual stress with your job. Life and death stress. Every. Single. Day.

Perhaps it seems rather simplistic, but can you take a break? Do you have vacation time?
Can you get away? Just time for YOU.

What about talking to a therapist? Is that also "taboo" in your profession? If so, could you do it on the "sly" in another area? You obviously couldn't submit it for insurance coverage but it just might be very well spent money.

I wish I had something profound to say to make you feel better.

Some men just suck.
How's that?

Take care. Be careful out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 2:43pm

Justice like another poster said, just want to reach out to you.

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