Every Weekend Should Be Like This!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Every Weekend Should Be Like This!!!
8
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:47pm
Hi,

This is not the right board to post this, as I am no longer in an A. However, I have many friends here that may be interested.

My H and I went away together this past weekend. It was absolutely wonderful!

I booked us into the most beautiful motel, very country looking, walls are cedar lined, separate living and bedroom areas, with gas fireplace in the "living room" and bedroom, jacuzzi tub.

A few nights before going away, I went lingerie shopping. Ended up purchasing a lovely white (yeah, like I'm pure!) tank top with beautiful embroidery along the bottom edge, matching panties (see through of course), and thigh high stocking. I also planned many snacks: gouda, havarti, veggies & dip, shrimp, crab, crackers, wine (full-bodied Merlot), my favourite wine glasses, candles! (Just trying to give you the full picture). I also brought a game I recently bought called "Sensuous sensations". It's a board game that I purchased at a "Fantasia" home party.

A week before this getaway, I told H that he must plan "one thing" for our weekend away. I mean, I planned pretty much all else, and I was very anxious to see what he would come up with. Although my H is a wonderful person, every birthday and every Christmas, he usually asks "What do you want?" My reply is always the same "What I want most, is for you NOT to have to ask me what I want" After 20 years together, I figure he should be able to hone in and get me something from the bottom of his heart. And it doesn't have to be diamonds!

So anyway, I told him, whatever you plan, has to come from you. If you need supplies, buy them - don't tell me about it - I don't want to know.

Well, unfortunately, the weather was not cooperative for his plan. A picnic. So we ended up in front of the fireplace - which in my opinion was much better! He purchased a complete picnic set - plates, wine glasses, blanket, etc. And as it turned out, cheeses, oysters, fruit, crackers, champagne. The works.

We did have a great time together. The picnic was very romantic.

And we actually laughed out loud together - something that hasn't happened in a very long time.

Oh, and by the way, the outfit was a big hit. I felt wonderful in it (very sexy), very confident - and it did show!

We also spent a lot of our "alone" time together talking. We managed to get many of our feelings out in the open, and work through some of the emotions that we have both been feeling.

This is not an easy time. I am glad that we were able to reconnect to the degree that we have. And, I am hoping that the effects of the weekend last.

I have been told, that this is just another step. That time away is usually good, but that the effects of the A or issues in a M come creeping back in eventually, and many people have found themselves in the "bad" place again.

All I can say right now, is I truly did enjoy the weekend. We do know that we can still have fun together, and that is worth working with. Whether the euphoria lasts, is another question, and you may find my "unhappy" posts once again, but whatever, I have this now, it is where I am at the moment, and I'm ecstatic to be here.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Thunder storm looming - have to go.

Thanks for listening

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:03pm
I sincerely wish you the best of luck. It sounds like a wonderful time and makes me nostalgic for the moments like that that I shared with my spouse during our dating years. Everything you two planned sounds very romantic and the fact that you communicated (which highly impresses me) is a great sign.

If you keep writing about the food that you had, you're going to find me on your doorstep. I'm a glutton for smoked gouda and merlot!

-Moi

P.S. Kudos on your outfit selection. I've found that sometimes the more simple something is, the better received. Case in point: One of my favorite items is a soft white button-down work shirt partially unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up. Looks great with my skin tone and always seems to get the desired result! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 8:25pm
so happy to see such a happy post from you Red ----

Sounds like a wonderful weekend !!!!

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:28am
Hey Girlfriend, way to go!! Glad to see you steadily recovering. As we all know, in some respects EMA's are like an addiction. I give you so much credit for working on your marriage. It also sounds like your H is a pretty good guy too, for putting forth the effort, as well.

Even though you are no longer involved in the A, this is still a good place to come and talk. I don't think anyone here would not want to hear what you have to say, as you always have such sound advice. I also believe that the rest of us at one time could never have imagined themselves being in this situation. Not too many people take having affairs lightly, myself included. But as you know they do happen, and the reasons are as complicated and varied as the individuals who are involved. If we can't talk about it, how can the healing process even begin?

Anyway the best of luck to you. You know that I am always in your corner.

Take care,

Virgogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 8:42am
Hey Red! I am so glad that you had such a lovely weekend! I know you've had some rough times - both with saying good bye to XMM and reconstructing your M with H. It sounds like you really are making progress. I'm so glad that you are continuing to talk and work through your feelings. Opening up like that can be very scary. Yes, you will almost certainly continue to have rough days, but it is nice to know that there are good times to be had as well.

I've thought off and on about planning something similar with my H. But I've come to the realization that right now I am not at all interested in a romantic getaway with him. I'm just not. And even if I was, he's not a romantic guy so he wouldn't be interested anyway. To be flat out honest, the ONLY person I could ever imagine having that kind of weekend with is XMM. (Not that we ever did anything even remotely close to that, although we sure did want to!) Although H and I love each other, we've never had strong emotional connection. I don't know how to begin to build one. I'm not sure we even CAN - it just isn't how he is.

But enough about me. This is about YOU and how happy I am for you!!! I'm so glad you had such a nice time!

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:01pm
O Red, I am sooo happy for you. You did GREAT!!!! That was such an AWESOME thing to do for you and your husband. I can tell you that it will help him. It will mend that broken heart (for both of you). Keep those times together sacred. After I found out about my H's A, we went away a few times, we even left the kids a lot and went fishing!!! Daytime, nighttime.. made out and necked like teenagers...right there on the river bank. We had such great times together. What broke us down was...........he wasn't telling me the truth.......the were more A's with more women. I found out and the glass house busted. Be sure H knows it all, cause if he finds out anything on his own, it does damage.

I think that trip sounds soooo romantic. The food, the champange, the HOT TUB!!! I think you making him pick something he planned was a good move. That is important for them to realize they need to do things for us that they think of on their own. One way I am lucky about my H, no matter what, he has always been thoughtful about holidays. He goes out of his way..............probably did for OW too!!! Ok, enough of that.

Take care and hey another piece of advice I can give is this.....it sounds simple, but, it worked too......kiss him, a lot. They say at least a 20 second kiss a day. This sounds like not a long one, but it's just long enough to count. Also, buy him cards, they don't have to be mushy just things that express how you are feeling about him at the time. It just lets him know that he IS in your thoughts.

Just somethings that might help!!!!

Thank you for EVERYTHING. I treasure your friendship.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:33pm
Kitty,

Your words of wisdom and advice are very much appreciated.

I hope he does realize how I am truly trying to make him feel like my top priority.

He called home last night, from the road, and I definitely gave him something to look forward to when he gets home tonight ;)

And I do agree with the kissing advice. Actually, I have started the practice of realllly kissing him, not just the inadvertent pecks we become used to after 20 years together.

Believe me, I am looking forward to many more tyrsts with my H, and too be honest, I'm getting a little on the h*rny side today, in anticipation of his return.

Thank you for caring. I too treasure you.

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:12pm
Red,

Well, you get em girl when he gets home. Give him something to really think about when he is gone (and you too of course). Hey I read Cosmo all the time and look for any trick that I might what to pull out of the hat. After I found out about H's A's I was always ready!!! You know what I mean...it's like I wanted to mark my territory or something. He couldn't quite get used to it, and that offended me a little, now he wishes that I'd return to that woman. I try to get my thoughts on H when I am home but it is sooo difficult.

As for the kissing, that is a great thing. I asked H to do this for me and it worked. I know that we kiss now a lot more than we used to. I mean really kiss, not just the pecks like you are talking about. We just had our 23rd wedding anniversary...and we dated for a year before that. So ways to bring in some new "ideas" are always welcome at my house.

Good luck on the "welcome home"! Give him a night you both won't soon forget!

Lots of thoughts for you,

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:33pm
Red:

What a great story!!! It sounds like you are sincerely trying to get things back on track with H and I wish you all the best.

Re: issues of A “always coming up”, I just wanted to say, my H had 2 (probably more like 3) A’s early on. One during our engagement, and one/two in the first couple years of marriage. After the first one, I thought my world would never be the same again, I’d never trust again, etc etc etc. But I married him anyway, because I knew in my heart that, faithful or not, H was my best possible H, because we shared so many similar goals, etc, and we had fun together. After the second A, I thought our marriage was doomed.

But time passed and I forgave him. I really did, I’m not just saying that. Somehow I managed to understand that the As were about his needs, and not some deficiency he saw in me or in our M. It’s 13 years later and I am very glad I stuck with this man even though everyone I knew said, don’t marry him, he’s a player. Well, hid fidelity record is not perfect. But that’s only one thing about a person. He’s a perfect father, and a great lover, and a great H all around. We are very happy. It IS possible to heal your M, Red. What helped me most was coming to terms with the fact that his As were not about ME.

Now, of course, I’m in an A of my own now…and I don’t regret it…I love OMM and need him. But it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with H. I guess I learned a bad lesson from him. But plenty of good ones too. So I know your H can get over it, Red, if he tries and if you give him all the love you can.

Barefoot